Growing Up Grimm

Always Under Construction

2012-01-30T13:38:00.000-08:00

…encourage one another and build each other up… 1 Thessalonians 5:10

It is our first day of homeschooling and this was the verse I chose for us to memorize as a family. There are a few different reasons; one of them being that my kids are AT each other most of the time. Yesterday, I had had it. I sat each of them down individually and talked with them about how we are a family, families do not hurt each other or bring each other down. Christ tells us we are to encourage one another and build each other up... we are also called to cover over a multitude of sins with our love. That means even if they hurt your feelings, you forgive them, and move on. Simple stuff, right? Oh how I wish it was.

Here I sit at 28 years old in need of a mama to put me and a Sister in check. Somewhere along the lines there has been a horrible miscommunication.

…encourage one another and build each other up…

Live it.

That means don’t speak negatively about anyone. That means not spreading any negativity that you might have heard. That means loving each other in all our human flaws, instead of picking each other apart. If you want to pick me apart, then you can shred me to pieces in all the ways that I fail. Every. Single. Day.
You know Satan is at work when there is divisiveness. Don’t allow him to win.
And so my first lesson in homeschooling is a life lesson in love…teaching my children to encourage one another, and build each other up…hoping that they not only build each other up, but as more than just kin, as brothers and sisters in Christ they protect each other. Not just with their actions but with their words. It is easy to focus on how someone has let you down, but let us not get discouraged with one another, because we too are human. Let us look past our failings, and encourage one another to move closer to what Christ has asked us to be; His hands, and His feet. Loving each other, simply because He first loved us.

Such a simple word to say...

2012-01-18T15:36:00.000-08:00

Forgiveness is not an easy thing. Rarely does true forgiveness come instantly. Even when there is true repentence. Unlike Jesus, we are only fully human and something in us screams for fairness. In our humanness we desire for those who hurt us, to hurt just as we did. We want justice here on Earth.
I have found that forgiveness is a process. I've been betrayed so badly that even now years and years later, I pray to fully forgive the one who wronged me. I pray for their salvation-but truthfully it's been a long road to even be able to pray that this person get to know Jesus. Sometimes you can be hurt so badly that the thought of sharing Heaven with this person makes you shudder. And that's when I remind myself that forgiveness is a process.
Just like greif there are steps that must be taken to acheive forgiveness. And just like in the grief steps, skipping one doesn't do you any good because you end up back there eventually anyway.
In my experience the first step to forgiveness is being angry. Obviously for someone to need your forgiveness that person has done something to wrong you. Anger in itself is not a sin, however we are instructed not to sin in our anger. There are contructive and destructive ways to handle anger. It is OK to be mad when someone hurts you. That is natural and very normal. However, our natural response to being hurt is lashing out in anger and hurting the other person back. That is not what Jesus wants us to do. He desires for us to be reconsiled with each other. He instructs us to keep on forgiving no matter how many times we are offended by the same person. (Matthew 18:22)
In my personal experiance I know that when I have been deeply wounded, I've had to pray to even want to PRAY for forgiveness. God is faithful, and refuses to allow bitterness to take root in your heart when you are truely seeking His will for your life.
The next stage I have encountered through my process of forgiveness is sadness. My anger is now gone, I no longer feel the need to spit every time I think of that person. The anger has been replaced with deep feelings of sadness. Sometimes I am sad with myself over the part I played in the situation. Or I am sad over the failing of the relationship. Sometimes I am sad that I allowed myself to put faith and trust in a human, because no matter who that person is, they are human and they will never live up to my standards.
I've found that in the sadness stage it becomes much easier to pray and I typically pray for total reconsiliation of the relationship. This is where things can get hairy. Sometimes no matter what the offender did to you, they are just not sorry they did it. Where do you go from there?
You give it to God. You keep praying. You realize that forgiveness doesn't happen instantly but you are only accountable for you. And in the end you must forgive, like it or not...so keep praying. Keep striving, and eventually, it will come. God promises.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossions 3:12-14
Easier said than done right? I know these things but sometimes the distance from my head to my heart feels like miles. It's hard to practice forgiveness. All I ever have to do is remember how many times Christ has forgiven me for the VERY SAME offense. He chooses to love me, forgive me and not discard me. He chooses redeption dispite my broken-ness.
Father, make me more like you. Amen.

For such a time as this...

2012-01-17T11:29:00.000-08:00

Last night as I was drifting off to sleep I was asking God why He made me the way that I am. I know He has His reasons, but I can't figure them out. There are so many things about myself that I would change if I was God, but that is why HE is GOD, and I am not. :) He has a perfect plan even when I can't see anything perfect about it.
It reminded me of the story of Esther. Easily another favorite of mine, in fact Jelly was set to be named Hadassah, but her dad changed his mind at the last minute, and so she was named Jelly. Hadassah was a young orphaned Hebrew girl, who lived with her Persian cousin, because it was not the "in-thing" at the time to be Hebrew, she was given the Persian name of Esther. During that time the King was in search of a Queen. So basically he had a beauty contest to see who was the most beautiful in all the land. Esther's cousin told her to join this competition and to save her people. (Her people being the Hebrews.) The King fell in love with Esther and her beauty. She was a brave Queen. When the Hebrew nation was threatened to be killed, she asked to speak to the King which was unheard of. He allowed this, and even allowed her to live and grant her people a pardon when she revealed to him that she was actually a Hebrew. I don't do this story any justice so read it yourself in the Book of Esther in the Old Testiment.
From this story I adore when Queen Esther inquires as to what is troubling her cousin, Mordecai. He tells her that she is foolish to believe that just because she is Queen that she will escape the law of the annilation of all the Hebrews. She must act, she can't just sit around. He tells her..."And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14) Maybe this was why her life was the way it was. She was orphaned, Hebrew, adopted, made to peacock around the King and sell herself as the most beautiful in all the land...just to save the Hebrews from the wrath of Haman (who wasn't even the king!). Maybe this was why she went through every trial she ever went through...this was God's plan for her life. Crazy! LOVE IT! She was made for such a time as this.
One of the things I wonder about often is my love of fitness. It's not your average person's love of fitness, because from the average people I know, no one else loves to work out. But I am not just satisfied being fit. I want to be strong. For whatever reason i am compelled to lift heavy, and push harder than your average joe. Yep, I said it. Joe. It has me wondering what God has in store. Am I going to need to be strong at some point? Or is it because when at Costco I load 180lbs of kid into the cart, and THEN add the groceries. I guess someone would need to be strong to do that on a regular basis.
I also wonder about our children. God gave Tom and I a different threshhold for the amount of children we can handle on a daily basis. Granted it has been a learning process. Last year at this time I had 5 kids and was still picking nits out of all their heads. My threshhold was maxed, and I would cry to God that I was insufficent, and couldn't do it. He would gently remind me that He was preparing me for something. I can't help but wonder if it's this life. The life where I have a child who is super special and needy, and the thought of having more children doesn't scare me anymore (as long as I don't give birth to them.) I feel like once I've conquered lice in 6 heads of girls without shaving them bald, there is nothing I can not do!
I know that all of this is pure speculation. God has His reasons, and I will never understand the heart of God. But this are the things that have me thinking this morning. Honestly I was wondering why some things are so hard for others, and come easy for me. Or other things are so hard for me, and easy for others. I love that we are all equip differently. I love that when in need you call on the Body and they provide for you in amazing ways.
I guess all this pondering just has me thinking about what I was made for. Is there something that I am supposed to accomplish for Christ? I know I was not sent to save the Hebrew nation. And maybe I was made for such a time as being the mama of 5 little souls. To shephard them, love them, and teach them to walk in the ways of Christ. Maybe I was made for such a time as this. And I am so thankful!

2012 the year of Commitment.

2012-01-09T15:33:00.000-08:00

I recently had a conversation with a friend about New Year’s resolutions. She told me that instead of coming up with a list of things that needed to be done in the New Year, she comes up with a word that encompasses everything that she wants the year to be. Then because she is crafty, and has a significant less number of children than myself, she makes a handy-dandy magnet with the word on it, and sticks it to the fridge. Cute. Very cute. Love the idea, but my follow through is not the best when it comes to ideas that I love.
However she got me thinking. Towards the end of 2011 God was pointing out some areas in my life that need a serious overhaul. I tend to be a fantastic idea person. Cripes, I’ve wanted to start more businesses than you could imagine, I started writing a book, implement more “systems” in our house to make it run smoother, planned many vacations that never get taken and about 1 out of every 100 of my ideas actually ends up happening. You’d think I would be disappointed, but I am not, I know this about myself. I joke with my husband that I seriously lack the ability to commit. He laughs nervously, because I have made a pretty big commitment to him, and he hopes that he is not one of the 99 ideas that fail.
I know that God made me the way that I am for a reason. However, just because he made me this way, doesn’t mean I should STAY this way. There are plenty of things about me that I am pretty sure are my natural tendency, but God doesn’t want me to live with. He wants me to change; He wants me to grow in Him.
I’ve thought long and hard about my word for 2012. And while I won’t even begin to tell anyone that I am going to make a nifty little magnet, it is something I am going to write on my microwave.

Commitment.

I want to be a committed person. First to Christ, then to my husband, and most importantly to the purposes that God has for my life. I don’t need to BE anything. I don’t need to write a book that changes lives, I don’t need to have the most awesome laundry organization system (although that would seriously be nice) and I don’t need to be the wife that plans a different meal every night (cause frankly we like spontaneity.) But I do need to commit my time, talent and resources to being the person Christ designed me to be.
I want to really evaluate some commitments that I already have in my life and make sure that they are things I can follow through on, but I also want to push myself to follow through on commitments that are not going to be easy to do. I don’t want to be known by anyone, especially my husband and children as someone who has great ideas but has a serious lack of commitment. I want to be a prize to my family.
I think of how Christ is committed to me, and I want to be more like that. He died for me. That is the ultimate in showing your commitment to someone. I want to die to myself and be more committed to what Christ wants of me.
I want to show that I am a Child of God, who first committed to me, and who I commit my whole life too. I want that to be evident not just by my words, but by my actions. That I am person of follow-through, trustworthy, and passionate. Someone who lives a life full of commitment.

Sweet Surrender

2012-01-01T15:53:00.000-08:00

I remember being litte and on Sunday afternoons that my parents used to just lay around the house and read books. Typically at some point in the afternoon, you could walk by either one of them and the book was either on the floor or on their face, because they were asleep. As a kid I never understood why they would want to take a nap.
A few months ago, I was diagnosed with a relatively short-term illness, but for a mama of 6 (at the time) hearing that you are going to be out of the game for a few months seems like a long term illness. After my return from the hospital, I needed to nap two to three times a day for a few months, and I remember almost crying because I didn’t want to nap, I was sleeping my life away, but it was the only thing to do to get me better. I remember thinking I would never want to nap again.
Here we are on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I just got up from a delicious nap, and my kids are still sleeping. They fought a good fight of trying to stay awake, but they just couldn’t make it. I am sure that they think their father and I are lame, because why would you ever willingly take a nap?
I realize now the healing power of a nap. When I was so sick, sleep (and time) were the only things that were going to heal me. When a little has a terrible attitude (or even a big for that matter) a nap, is the best attitude changer I know of. It is very simple yet profound act of surrendering to Jesus. I want something else to fix me, some magic pill to take that would take away my illness, but I had to surrender to the fact that what I needed was a great deal of rest. When the littles (or bigs) need a new attitude, I promise you that a nap is not taken without a fight. There ultimately has to be a surrender of self, to allow the change to happen.
I love how God chooses something as simple as a little sleep to bless us. It is definitely something that we take for granted. I know I do. I’ve found that when I am walking with the Lord then my sleep is good. I find fulfillment and a deep rest in my soul.
This is what the Lord says: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. – Jeremiah 6:16a
On the other hand, when I am trying to do life on my terms, either living in a sin, or choosing to be the author of my own way, I have trouble sleeping. Worry steals my sleep. Worry of being found out for being the big lie that I am, or worry that things will not work out according to my plan.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
Whatever it is I am dealing with shows up in my sleep, and robs me not only of my sleep, but robs me of my day also. You see something as simple as a good night of sleep determines much of our attitudes during the day. And if we choose to live in the nasty cycle of no sleep=grumpy attitude=not walking with God=no sleep then we are in for it. I know my littles don’t understand all of this yet, but someday they will. I hope they see that sleeping on a lazy Sunday afternoon is not about being lazy at all. It’s about walking with God. Enjoying the day of rest that He has given us, and using something that many of us take for granted as the blessing that it truly is…a sweet surrender.

Be Still.

2011-12-30T10:07:00.000-08:00

I have the hardest time with being still. I find when I am uncomfortable I need to be on the move. I might have just recognized this in the last 12 hours. While I am sure it seems ridiculously obvious to some who know me, to me this is a revelation.
Last night we went to a girlfriend’s birthday party. Typically I am in a room of people I don’t know and I flourish. I enjoy meeting new people, and I enjoy hearing other people’s story, but last night was different. I was strung tight. I would have killed for an adult beverage, but my choices were water with lemon or decaf coffee. While coffee is an adult beverage, God knew I needed to deal with my anxiety the right way...however...
After telling my unruly children for the millionth time to get their little hands out of the frosting, I started to clean. It was all I could do. I was so uncomfortable. I didn’t know anyone, but the hostess and her family, and my family…and frankly my family and I were not on good terms. Mama has had it with this Christmas break; I am ready for school to be back in session. So I cleaned up. I cleared the table, swept the floor, picked up dishes, I did anything but stand there and just be uncomfortable.
This morning my workout was hard. I was alone. Being alone with my thoughts is not easy for me. I need someone to bounce them off of, and frankly I am not too pleased with God at the moment. Well, God and my husband. They seem to be on the same team of taking me off to nowhere land, where I am supposed to have a good attitude about going, and getting to meet new people and glorify God with my submission to my husband. But since this is my blog, and you are welcome to discontinue reading it if you find it offensive, I will continue with my true feelings. I don’t want to follow Tom or God to Dickinson, ND. I have refused to pray. For the last day I have been holding my thoughts captive to myself. Not for God.
I usually do my praying in the shower, but instead today I thought about a new tattoo I want to get. A cross on my foot. And then I thought to myself what I big fake I am. I wear crosses, and proclaim to love Jesus more than anything, but I fail at speaking to Him on a daily basis, and I withhold my love and praise from Him when things are not going the way that I want them to be going.
After my shower, I sat with a blank computer screen. I wanted to write something, but I didn’t know what to write. I didn’t know how real I wanted to get. Did I want everyone to know that I really struggle at being follower of Christ? Did I really want to get real with the fact that I have been absent in my mind from Jesus, my husband and children? Did I want to admit that I am living in some deep sin, that I am having a heck of a time getting out of? And the answer to all of this is yes.
I’ve always thought if we were more transparent with each other than things wouldn’t be so hard. You wouldn’t feel like you are alone all of the time. I have felt alone long enough. I have hidden long enough. It’s time to come out into the light and bare it all. I love Jesus, ~~but~~ and I struggle. There is no “but” about it. We are allowed to struggle AND love Jesus more than anything else in the world.
“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”–Galatians 5:17
I dare you to say this next passage 1 time fast. It’s a tongue twister, but it is truly how I feel, and I love that Paul, who loved Jesus SO much, feels the same way I do.
“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” Romans 7:14-20 (Emphasis mine)
Is that like a fresh drink of water to anyone else? Whew, Paul struggled, just like me. Alright, so now that I am once again assured that God loves me despite my disobedience, I am going to try something that is super hard for me. I am going to try and be still. I am going to try to talk to God, to listen to what He wants me to hear. Why He wants me to be uncomfortable. I know that we grow in the valley…but man I sure do love the mountain tops.
Be still before the Lord, all mankind, because he has roused himself from his holy dwelling. - Zechariah 2:13
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”- Psalm 46:10

Danger...

2011-12-29T08:54:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I Facebook stalked (well tried to anyway) the couple that we are moving to North Dakota with. It was an unsuccessful stalking experience, so I ended up calling them instead to ask if I could Facebook stalk them. (Please don’t act horrified by this admission-if you have a Facebook page my money is on the fact that you too have participated in the Facebook stalking of someone. So, boom.)
After talking with her on the phone for a bit, I was just delighted to know someone in Dickinson. While her attitude is a WHOLE lot better about moving than mine, and she seems sweet as pie (and well we know I am a little tart-hehe pun intended) I am praying that we become fast friends.
My husband instructed me to “let the crazy sneak up on her” which I laughed about. And he immediately regretted saying because I posted it as my status for Facebook. He knows what’s fair game in this house for the world to read about.  He apologized right away, and said I don’t think you are crazy, I love you.
Then this morning I was talking with him about a friendship I am struggling with. I come on strong. You either love me, or hate me. There are not many in-betweens. And if you love me, at some point you will hate me, and I pray that you are able to see past whatever I did to make you hate me, and love me despite myself. Tom said “Jenny, you are just a squiggle.” And that always makes me chuckle.
We took a personality test one time with my family and my parents and brother were all squares and I was a squiggle. Can I get an amen to that?! I’ve always felt out of place. My whole life. I am brash, over-bearing, bossy, and loud and my filter is pretty close to non-existent. And nothing ruffles my feathers more than being around square friends. (My family has to deal with me, they don’t get a choice, and they’ve learned that like the wind, squiggles cannot be tamed.) But tame it down I try. I want SO badly to be a square personality. I want so badly to be that person that everyone says is just so sweet, and have never offended anyone in their lives because they are so quiet and soft spoken, but dude, God did not make me that way.
When I try to be something other than what God created me to be, I end up in a pickle. Seriously I try to not talk as much, and I feel like I am going to explode. I try my darndest to think before I speak, and while it has gotten MUCH better with age, not enough that I would consider myself thoughtful before speaking.
God created me unique. I can fight it or I can embrace the crazy. I am a passionate person, I stinking love my life. So please don’t meet me and think wow, this chick has it all together, because the crazy will sneak up on you. I can’t pretend to be something I am not for long…this girl has to squiggle.
And if you are interested in what your shape is click here to find out more.

The Trouble with the Truth...

2011-12-27T14:43:00.001-08:00

...is that it tends to point out all the lies that are living in your life. Without a word from any living soul, I know where I am lying to everyone else, to myself and most importantly to the Great I AM.
I found through many, many, and many (more than I would care to admit) life experiences how to know when I am hiding from the Truth. Sometimes the deceiver of our souls is so good at his job that we *think* what we are doing is good. When you give your heart to Jesus there is nothing Satan would love more than to make you an ineffective witness to the Kingdom. That is why we are instructed to be on guard. “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8
I have also found the other trouble with the Truth is it means a swallowing of one’s pride. When you are living in sin, you like that sin. It’s is just the way it is. We are all sinners, in need of a Savior, and so our natural tendency is to sin. It goes against everything in your being to deny yourself whatever pleasure you are seeking, to follow the Truth. But we must deny ourselves, and we can rest in the sweet fact that Jesus who knew NO sin, became flesh just like us, and was tempted. We are assured that there is never a temptation so great that we cannot find a way out of it. We must turn to Christ. “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
Easier said than done, right? I find that life goes in cycles. I need a come to Jesus moment where I realize I can do nothing without Him. I rely on Him for every breath I take, and I am in the Word daily. I pray, I seek Him, I desire nothing more than being in His presence…and then, life happens.
I get busy, I get lazy, I get tired, I find another book I want to read more than the Bible, and I make excuses. You see, if it’s important to you, then you make time for it. But why is it that the first thing to get cut out of my daily schedule is my time with Jesus? When my time with Jesus suffers, I tell myself it’s not that big of a deal because I am solid in my faith. No way would I fall into sin, because me and Jesus are tight. We are tight enough that I don’t need to talk with Him every moment of every day for life to go as it should. And that my friends, is a big fat lie from the pit of hell. That is when the enemy of our souls slinks in and feeds on our humanness, our desire to do this life alone.
And so we must go back to The Word, what does it instruct us to do? “Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 No one is above sin. Ever. Period. And when I get lax with my life, thinking that I am just plodding along, minding my own business, doing everything (or most things) as they should be done, but I am neglecting my time with Jesus. BAM! I find myself head long into a sin issue that I need saving from, and so I cycle back to my come to Jesus moments…and swear I will never do it again. I will never again live my life thinking I have it all figured out and that I don’t need to spend time with Jesus everyday…and then life happens.
I pray that someday this cycle ends. I suppose it will when I die, and all I do is spend time with Jesus. Oh, Glorious Day that will be. Until then I will continue to war with my sinfulness, knowing that ultimately I might lose the fight but Jesus has already won the battle for me. All He asks of me is to love Him with my whole heart, and He will fight and always win.
So Jesus, I am coming to you. I want out of this pit, and back into your everlasting arms.

Moving on...

2011-12-26T06:27:00.000-08:00

To Mayberry, err, I mean Dickinson, North Dakota. Yep, you heard me right. The Grimms are moving. Ugh, I am trying my hardest to have a good attitude about this, but Montana has become my home. I’ve always wanted to plant roots, wanted my kiddos to go to kindergarten with the same people that they will graduate High School with, but I guess God has other plans for us.
Not many times in my life has God spoken to me in a dream. But this move is one of those times. Long before North Dakota was even a blip on the radar I had this dream that Big T asked me to move there for his work. I threw the biggest stink fit. (Weird, how this is happening in real life too.) I didn’t want to go so I was putting my foot down. Then (in my dream) our Pastor’s wife asked me to move to North Dakota. That was all I needed. I was ready to go. (Again, in my dream.) I woke up feeling like, huh, maybe God is going to ask us to move to North Dakota.
Remember that big date that Big T took me on and he dropped a bomb? The bomb was that we are moving to North Dakota. Dickinson, ND. Population: not very many. People I know: ZERO.
We have wrestled back and forth with each other and God about this decision. How would this effect Mr. Man’s adoption? How will his birth mom handle the news of us moving 4 hours away? How will the kids handle the change? How will *I* handle the change? Where will we live? Where will we go to church? Where will I work out? WHO will I work out with? You know all the biggies.
We’ve fought hard; decided that Big T can go there and work but that me and the kids will stay. We’ve said we are in this together, and home is where my husband is. I’ve pouted, cried, back-talked, prayed and ultimately realized it isn’t Big T that is asking me to move, it’s God.

“I don’t want to move. I don’t know anyone. I will be so lonely. It’s cold there, and I am scared.”

My child…you know me. I am always with you. You are never alone. It’s cold in Montana. My love will drive your fear away. (Haggai 2:4, Job 7:19, 1 John 4:18)

“Father, what if we can’t do this? What if it’s too hard? Tom and I have never faced this big of a challenge together? What if we are not strong enough?”

My child, I have prepared you for this. There is nothing that I cannot handle. Give me your challenges, and I will make a way for you in the desert. I will be your strength. (1 Corinthians 1:25, Exodus 3:7-8, Philippians 4:13)

“I still don’t want to move.”

I know.

“Please don’t make me.”

Child, I have better things in store for you. Trust me. (Romans 8:28, Proverbs 3:5-6)

“I am trying Lord, help me to trust you.”

I am still talking with God. Still crying, and not wanting to go, but trying my hardest to be supportive and obedient.
We are not moving until May. That gives me some time to wrap my head around these big changes, and it gives me some time to change my attitude. So if you’ve run into me lately, and I seem a little “off” now you know the rest of the story.

The Other Mother...

2011-12-23T13:48:00.000-08:00

Adoption is a hairy thing, especially when you are doing it through the state of Montana. (Could be that way in other states, but I don’t know their rules, only about ½ of ours.) There are closed adoptions where birth parents don’t ever know what happens to their children. There are open adoptions where there is contact between the families, and then there are God adoptions…
In the Bible I can think of one adoption that I can relate to the most. Moses. Exodus 1-2 speaks of this adoption story, but let me break it down for those of you who don’t know this story off hand. When Moses was born there was a law against the birth of any boy child. The midwives of the Hebrews were to kill any boy child at birth, but they were able to let the girl children live. The midwives however, loved God more than obeying this law, and tended to look the other direction when the sex of the baby was announced. Jochebed gave birth to a little boy and she was able to hide him for 3 months before he grew to be what every little boy is…noisy. She then prayed to God and asked for protection over her son, put him in a basket made of papyrus coated with tar and pitch and placed it in the Nile River.
Pharaoh’s daughter came upon the basket, while she was bathing in the river. When she opened it and saw a little Hebrew boy, her heart was warmed for this child. She sent a young Hebrew girl (who was actually the sister of the baby) to find a Hebrew woman to nurse the child. (Go figure the girl went and got the baby’s birth mother.) Pharaoh’s daughter named the baby Moses, for she drew him out of the river.

Moses was the child born of her heart, but born of another woman’s womb. Jochebed nursed Moses for at least two years but maybe longer, in a way she was sharing the responsibility of raising Moses with Pharaoh’s daughter who had adopted Moses. Not your typical adoption, no…but God is anything but typical…
I’ve stated before that I wanted to adopt all along. But God is beyond what I can ever comprehend, and I am so thankful for the journey of adoption that we are on. 2 ½ years ago, I would have adopted Mr. Man, and wanted to erase his past from him. I would have cut off all communication with his birth mom and the rest of his family. I would have made him Grimm, and probably never spoken of the other mother that he had.
Fast forward to now. We got Mr. Man on November 11, 2011. Since that day, there have only been a handful of days that I have not communicated with his birth-mom. When I walked into the room for the transition for her to give him to me, I was nervous. I didn’t know how she would view me. This was her choice to give him to me. This was the most unselfish thing I think a mama can do, because her heart broke that day.
Hear me on this. Mr. Man’s birth mom LOVES him. She loves him JUST as much as I love him. She loved him enough to put him in the basket in the river and pray that God would safely deliver him into the hands that would raise him up to be the man God designed him to be. You will never, ever in a million years hear me say anything negative about his birth mom. I adore her. And today is her birthday.
Happy Birthday to the other mother. I share this journey of mothering Grimms with her. And I am so thankful for the sister I have found in her. She gave her heart to Jesus a little over a month ago, and He radically transformed her. She has made some super tough decisions, and made the choice to be accountable and vulnerable to me and Big T. We welcome her into our family. I’ve told her more than once that I am not just adopting Mr. Man. I am adopting her and her other babies too. I will love them fiercely, as I know she will love us.
This is a dream come true, all of it. While 2 ½ years ago all I wanted was Mr. Man. Now, I know what I truly would have been missing out on. A deep friendship, a sister in the faith, and the other mother. She is the mother my son will search for when he is older, and it is my prayer that he needs not search any further than at the end of the kitchen table…for there his two mothers will be, enjoying coffee and each other’s company.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

2011-12-22T06:38:00.000-08:00

It’s no secret that I love to work out. I love it. I get a high out of lifting heavy weights, and ask anyone that I work out with (or have worked out with in the past) I love to talk. All. The. Time. Probably why I have posted about how my mouth gets me into trouble.
I’ve had a regular crew that I work out with at 5am. Well, in the spirit of honesty, they arrive at 5am. I typically straggle in at 5:17am or so. When you go to the gym 5 days a week you start to get to know people. (If you are a talker like me.) I’ve asked people what they do for work, how many children they have, I’ve shared Jesus, my testimony and asked a lot of questions. I really enjoy getting to know new people, and I feel honored when I can pray for them in a very specific way.
Horrible transition ahead…
For the last 6 years I have suffered with bulimia. Hard. In an effort to escape that nasty cycle, I started working out. Hard. For the last 6 years, I have prayed for God to take this from me. Not just the behavior but the mind set of needing to be perfect. And thinking that my worth was wrapped up in my waist size. God with his ultimate sense of humor, allowed me to be pregnant 4 times in the last 6 years. And the amazing thing about being pregnant is that I do not struggle with bulimia. But my mind is still not right. For whatever reason, (answer to prayer) in the last 6 months my body image issues have disappeared. I am content with the body got gave me. I want to treat it respectfully. I still have those days when I am unsatisfied. Doesn’t everyone? It’s that dang human-ness again!
For whatever reason I’ve been surrounded with people with body image issues. HA, maybe it is because I hang out at the gym.  The reason I hear the most from people who beat their bodies into submission, and take products to increase their workout potential AND claim to be followers of Christ is 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 “Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” The context of this verse it talking about fleeing from sexual immorality. However, this can very much be applied to anything that you put into your body also. Paul talks about how sexual immorality is not a sin that it outside your body, but a sin against your body, and since our bodies do not belong to us it is ultimately a sin against God.
Whenever I run into someone taking supplements to “pump them up” this is the verse they use.
So today, I asked someone why. I just wanted to know why this person wanted to use these supplements that he had been talked into selling. (Most of these supplements are multi-level marketing businesses.) He said point blank, to help his figure. And it makes him feel better. (But he was suffering from a headache from crashing down from taking pre-workout supplements without eating.) And guess which verse he quoted to me. You got it…1 Corinthians 6:19.
I asked him what the Bible says about our appearance. Since really that is what he is concerned with. It wasn’t about his physical health because he has done something that was severely hurting his body, it was all about the APPEARANCE of physical health. To him, big muscles=healthy. Not necessarily truth.
This all got me thinking. God has a plan for each of us. He designed what we should be allowing into our bodies and what we should be doing with our bodies. He desires for us to take care of the temple of the Holy Spirit. But he also desires for us to be more concerned with our spiritual health than our physical health/appearance.
The context of this verse is when the Lord asked Samuel to appoint a king. When a man of great stature and beautiful appearance showed up, Samuel immediately thought that he must be the king that God wanted…but that was not so. God’s choice was the little man, David to be the king. By his appearance to men, he would never be anything great, but God saw his heart.
1 Samuel 16:7- But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
And my personal favorite and one that I remind myself of whenever I get wrapped up in my looks…
1 Titus 4:8- For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.
This morning was just the reminder that I needed as to why I am at the gym. I want to be shining God’s light at all times. I fail miserably, but it’s a journey. Thanks for walking it with me!

Under Pressure

2011-12-20T06:02:00.000-08:00

I guess when I started blogging again; I thought I have all these witty things I want to write about. And I did for a while, and then life gets in the way. Funny how that happens. But I have felt this pressure to write a blog. However I have nothing witty to say, all I can disclose at this time is that it is stressful at the Grimm house. We are undergoing a lot of changes, and none of them seem to be going smoothly.
I recently asked friends how you know if something is God’s will. It seems that things all lined up for us, answers to very specific prayers and then all of a sudden we have many roadblocks. I started to question if what we are doing is God’s will. You see, I’ve been through the season of *thinking* something is God’s will and never actually praying about it. And it sucked. God is amazing and He makes good out of every poor choice we ever make, but my desire for my family is to stay within God’s will at all times. Hard, very hard. Pretty sure it’s impossible since we are human, but my goal is to try.
Good friends directed me to James 1:2-5
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

So I asked. I do my best praying in the shower…seems to be the only time I can’t hear the incessant knock at the door of “mama, what are you doing in there?” I block it out, shave my legs and pray. I begged God to tell me what we are supposed to be doing with our family. I begged him to give me a spirit of peace in the decision of follow my husband no matter where he leads our home. I prayed that Big T would be praying about his decisions and that he seek the heart of God in everything he does. I cried, I moaned and I let the Holy Spirit intercede for me when I had no more words to speak.
I got out of the shower a new person, with very smooth legs. Confusing as that might be to my friends and family. I have not been up and down on my decision of what to do, only in my decision to be obedient. I’ve known all along that I need to be supportive of my husband. He loves Jesus, and will always do what he thinks is best for our entire family. I have struggled with letting go of control.
I was listening to J.J. Heller on the way home from the gym this morning and the words to her song really struck me anew….

Perfection has a price.
And I cannot afford to live that life.
It always ends the same.
A fight I never win.
Control.
It’s time to let it go.
I’m letting go of the illusion.
I’m letting go of the confusion.
I can’t carry this another step.
I will close my eyes and take a breath.
I’m letting go.
There were scars before my scars.
Love written on the hands that hung the stars.
Control.
It’s time to let it go.

Same Story, Different Day

2011-12-14T12:22:00.000-08:00

I love to talk. And I have strong opinions. Sometimes (most of the time) this combination is not the best. I OFTEN stick my foot in my mouth. More often than I care to admit and I don’t look nearly this cute doing it either. And what few of you may know, because I try so hard to hide it. I get really down when I say something I wish I could take back.
The Bible talks all about the tongue and how much trouble that little part of our body can get us in to (Psalm 15:3, Proverbs 10:19, Proverbs 15:4) but it made me also start to think about the fingers. I am guilty of just hours ago posting on my Facebook status how much I like talking online better than talking in real life. It gives me a chance to formulate what I want to say, say it, and if I don’t like the way it looks…delete it. And no one is the wiser. In real life however, you can’t unsay things. And sometimes momentary slips of insanity take a LONG time to repair.
Are we replacing real relationships and real feelings with fake communication? Let’s be serious. How many of your “friends” on Facebook would you take the time to have coffee with and have a real conversation…without returning texts, but actually making eye contact? I am so guilty. I post on Facebook when I need a date with my husband for crying out loud. (In all fairness I did speak this to him, and he just wasn’t hearing me.) But I can name 10 people off the top of my head that are on my friends list that I would NOT tell that I need a date. Yet, I put it out there.
And what about lurkers? Lurking is a term I learned 6 years ago when I joined a message board for pregnant moms. Lurking is when you read about someone but never actually communicate with them. As a lurker you are safe. There is no risk in that relationship because ½ of the relationship doesn’t even know it exists and the other ½ can quit whenever it isn’t convenient for them. By lurking you think you know someone, and that may be true that you know the details of their life (or at least what they are willing to put out to the public) but you don’t actually know them. Because when you lurk you are no actually in a relationship.
I guess what I’ve been thinking about is that yes, I screw up royally off and online. The people that know me best don’t “unfriend.” Because we have a relationship outside of the internet. They don’t just think I am offensive, they have experienced it firsthand. And yet, MOST of the times they choose to show me grace, realizing that my brain does not operate with a pause button to think things through before I speak them, and I am not granted a backspace button to unsay what I just said.
So while I just hours ago posted that I prefer online to real life, I recant that statement. I will try to live my life following Proverbs 21:23 “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.” However let’s be real, unless God chooses to strike me mute, I am still going to mess up. That said… I choose real relationships, real heart ache and real forgiveness over “friend”, “unfriend” and “block.”

2011-12-12T15:55:00.001-08:00

Meemaw, Grammie, Grandma, Gamma, Oma. Not names I want to be called ever. I mean of course there are worse names to be called but this is a family friendly blog, so we won’t go into those. And please don’t hear me wrong, I want to be a grandma, but please don’t call me that.
My children already know this. In fact I have been telling them since Goob was old enough to talk that her babies would call me “Toots.” I even made sure it was an easier name to say than Grandma.
I was described this last week as being someone with a lot of flair and that is exactly what I hope this name gives me. A grandma with some serious flair. I am going to be Toots with some seriously awesome hair, it might be purple…and I will wear fashionable clothes, but above all I will hand out tootsie rolls to my grandkids…hence the name Toots…and Big T will give them Tootsie Roll Pops and he will be called….wait for it…wait for it…Pops. Is that not awesome or what?!
Toots and Pops. Love it.
So there is this little sweetie that comes over to play that calls me, Jenn Grimm. I guess that is my name, but she ALWAYS calls me, Jenn Grimm. It’s cute…but I decided to see if she would change my name for me to Toots, and she did. She called me Toots. She might be my favorite little kid other than my own children. Boom, name change…call me Toots.  Who needs to have grandchildren to be called something awesome!?

Parenting in the Trenches

2011-12-11T11:53:00.000-08:00

For the last several weeks, Big T and I have been attending a Sunday school (our church calls it Bible in Life) class about Parenting. Typically there is a curriculum that we have been following but for the last two weeks we have gotten off the beaten path and explored what some famous parents in the Bible did.
I wish I would have taken notes last week as we waded through Abraham and Sarah, David and Bathsheba, Ruth and Boaz, Adam and Eve, Mary and Joseph, Isaac and Rebekah and a few others. It was interesting to see what God let us know about each set of parents, but there is plenty that is still unknown about them.
Today we took a deeper look at David and his parenting style. I am pretty sure you could make just about any statement under the sun about David and it would fit him. He was a man after God’s own heart, but he was also a royal screw-up. (Pun very much intended.)
What I walked away with today after our class was that it’s our job as parents to be intentional with our children. I was super convicted by my laziness. I send the kids off to bed, and then spend the next hour cleaning up the house from the messes that they have made through the day, out of laziness. I am sure you are asking yourself the same thing I did when I first heard this. WHAT?! How is it lazy to be picking up?! Well, there is a method to the madness of not making the kids clean up their own mess, and that would be that I don’t want to deal with the whining. It’s easier for me to send them to bed happy as clams and then clean up after them, than it is for me to fight them all the way to bed about cleaning up after them…but what am I teaching them? Responsibility? No. All they learn is that if they leave it for someone else to take care of, then someone else will always take care of it. Not the best life lesson ever.
I also walked about with how I am an indulgent parent. I give my children a lot. But I justify it in my mind with well I should get them this treat because we didn’t have time to do the activity that I said we were going to do, and this treat will make up for that. Wrong. All I’ve created is children with super low expectations of their mom, knowing that I will most likely not have time to do what they want, and then they will get a replacement treat. And Lord forbid I try to just apologize and not give them a treat, melt down city.
I wish I had the answers to all my parenting mess ups, but I don’t. I am parenting in the trenches; I am wading through the piles of laundry, and dirty diapers. I know what I want, and I have the tools to get there. Now it’s just implementing the hard stuff, like listening to them whine when I tell them it’s time to clean up their gigantic mess before bed. I will keep you posted on how that goes.

The stuff good friends are made of.

2011-12-08T20:51:00.000-08:00

What are good friend?
Good friends let your barge in their home at 9pm to discover with your kids what a coconut tastes like...they crack it open on their table and clean up the mess after everyone discovers that coconut flavored stuff tastes way better than the real thing.
Good friends go adventuring with you to places you've been 100 times but they show it to you through fresh eyes.
Good friends help you hold the couch down with a cup of coffee while the kids watch a movie and you solve all the world's problems.
Good friends let you feel their beautiful bellies when they are pregnant and are not weirded out when you beg to be in the delivery room. They even tell you that you can...but they maybe forget to call...cause let's be real, good friends do not show each other their hoo-haas. :)
Good friends show up to help you put a bed together at moments notice and send you pictures of their prayer journel telling you that they have prayed for your son for the last 18 months.
Good friends know how you like your coffee. Mostly cream with a bit of coffee to make it truthful that you are drinking coffee.
Good friends pick lice out of your hair. They might wear a hat while doing it, but they are there.
Good friends say they would take your kids if you die. And mean it...cause you wrote their name on your will.
Good friends remember that you love pumpkin spice and introduce you to The Giving cake.
Good friends give you $28 for your 28th birthday.
Good friends watch movie, do pedicures and bike to your house in the dead of summer just to hang out.
Good friends let you steal their style, and even oh and ah over a hat your bought yourself because it looked like them.
Good friends have zip lines in their backyard, hate hosting dinner parties, but invite you over anyway, cause you are nothing fancy and you get to be real together.
Good friends help you with Cubbies.
Good friends love you. Even through the lame stuff like maybe getting a window sticker with your blog name on it, cause in a moment of sheer stupidity you thought that would be a great idea.
Good friends pray for you and your family. They ask what is going on in your life and then they remember to follow up. And not only will they pray for you. Good friends pray with you...right there in the middle of the gym they get down on their knees and cover each other in prayer. Not caring what the meat heads are saying about you. Cause you are good friends.
I have some good friends. I am thankful.
5 years ago, I cried to my husband that I had no friends. And I didn't (well with the exception of 1 who lived on the other side of the country.) I prayed for good friends, and God has blessed me. I prayed for you, my friends...long before I knew you. I guess that makes you an answer to my prayers.

It's never easy being...

2011-12-05T14:27:00.000-08:00

Green.

Or submissive, obedient, respectful,transparent, full of mercy, grace and love. Especially if that is not the way I particularly want to be in the given situation. I rely heavily on Christ.
I am asked at least once a week how I “do it.” This “it” that people tend to refer to is raising my family. I am not sure how I am supposed to be, but apparently it would look a little bit more frazzled than what I typically look like. I guess I would ask how many people walk around OUTSIDE their homes, acting like they do inside their homes. I don’t.
As much as I try to be the same person in my home as out of my home, I just can’t. Sometimes I curse. (Cringe…I know…love me anyway.) I eat before I pray. I scream down the stairs instead of going to find the child I am looking for. I feed my children hotdogs…or even better, left over hotdogs. It’s a rare day that you would see me outside my home without mascara…but inside well, let’s not discuss how you might find me dressed or made-up. It’s generally not cute.
So my quick thought for the day is when you think that someone has it all together, and is doing the “it” that you feel that you could never do. (Raise 5 kids…who does that?! I still look at people with more than 3 and am like…WOW they have a lot of kids, and Big T has to remind me that we have more. Sheesh.) That they are not doing anything that you couldn’t do…and in this particular case the only reason I am able to do “it.” Is because Christ is my strength. I have SUCK days too. I get huge zits on my chin, bed head, crapped on (I still have two babies) and laundry that doesn’t get done….JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
But just like you, I am trying. Trying to be the best I can be. Trying to be the woman God created me to be. I know He created me to be more than mediocre. I just have to tap into the Power like no other. Call on the name of Jesus…and with that…I do “it.”

My tank is on FULL!

2011-12-03T07:00:00.000-08:00

He did it! He took me on a date. And it was FABULOUS!
Dating has never been a strong point for Big T. I can think of two dates that blew my mind. And the rest were either so desperately needed that it wasn’t fun, it’s a work-date (like the office Christmas party) or we end up in a fight and come home early. So our dating track record is not the greatest. We fight hard, but we love even harder.
The last amazing date that we had was Valentine’s Day of 2011. I was 6 month pregnant with B.I.G. and not feeling so great about myself. We’d just overcome lice and the adjustment of gaining two more girls into our family. (Read more about that by clicking here.) It was needed. He took me on a shopping trip to buy diamond earrings. Now, if any of you know Big T this is not normal behavior for him. The man is usually so tight he squeaks, but not that night. When I found a pair of earrings that I liked, he said…no. (I did not think that was going to end well for him.) He said no because he wanted me to get the ones I REALLY wanted…which were much larger (with a much larger $ tag.) I left the jewelry store wearing my new studs with my stud, and feeling like Big T had lost his mind, but I loved it.
Now, that’s a hard date to top. But he did it!
Our baby sitter came over about 4:15pm to get instructions for our little crew. We left at 4:45pm. We went and had coffee (yay!) and then he told me we had reservations at the Rib and Chop House. Woot! This is the first time ever in our 9 year relationship that my husband has made reservations. Ever. Blow me away.
If any men are reading this, which I highly doubt, reservations mean you thought ahead. It means the date was so important to you that you took time out of your work day to call and make special arrangements for you and your loved one. Reservations are awesome. I think they might be a love language.
What is even more special is I know how much he didn’t want to go to the Rib and Chop House, but he knew how much I did. I’d never been and just wanted to try it, when he has been there a few times. I really enjoyed it!
Then we went downtown to the Holiday Christmas Stroll. All the shops are open late and most of them are shops that I never get to go into because my babies have hands that work and arms that reach, and it’s just scary.
We enjoyed a stop into Montague’s Jewelers which is always fun for me. I used to work there when I was pregnant with Goob. I get my diamonds cleaned, enjoyed some of Paige’s famous eggnog and said hi to my two favorite employers. And even ran into a dear old friend. Tom even let me try on a few things since he is needing a few ideas for our 10 year anniversary. We went into NeeCee’s to see my favorite pastor’s wife. She is always good for a hug, and a smile. And then we went into a new store (for me) Bottega, that was a-ma-zing!I even left with a little something. :) Mostly we just walked around and talked it was a blast. Big T and I have been short on facetime lately. We are very involved people, and we have a commitment every single night of the week except Friday nights. Add that to the fact that Mr. Man has a commitment every morning of the week, and my days are full...by the time 9pm rolls I am out...because I am up again at 4:45am to start it all over again. This was a MUCH needed night out.
However, Mr. Grimm did drop a bomb last night. I saw it coming from a mile away but it still made me cry. After I wrote the “I am happy now” blog, I was thinking about the seasons of our lives and currently I am in a season of rest. That always changes. Unrest is on it’s way, and while I know that’s just a part of my life on this earth, I still do not ever look forward to it.

I am happy now.

2011-12-01T09:39:00.001-08:00

I am happy now.
There could be no better words coming from the mouth of Mr. Man. He told one of his “friends” that today at their weekly meeting. “I am happy now.” He says. She asked him what makes you happy. “My mama, my daddy, my sisters,my Boaz.” He says. Do you feel safe here she asks him. “Yes.” He says.
Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you.
I had a friend recently bring to my attention that she knows I am happy because I have been blogging. You see for those of you who have just recently tuned in to “Growing Up Grimm” I used to blog daily a few years back. Life happened and I stopped. I would pick it up again every once in a while, but after Mr. Man left I couldn’t bring myself to even think straight most of the time, let alone write anything down.
I am happy now.
Joy is something you feel despite your circumstances. I have a joy and peace in Christ that I had never known prior to 5 years ago, however my life’s circumstances have changed. I’ve had ups and downs. And right now I am up. I am happy, but more than being happy I am eternally filled with joy. So that makes me thankful too, not matter what life throws at me. And boy, have I been given some curve balls. 
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”- 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

Finding a balance

2011-11-30T08:50:00.000-08:00

As much as I love the title of Mama, and please understand me that I absolutely was made to be a mama. It is also a fine balance. I don't want to lose who I am as a person and most importantly as a wife to my man. I can't be mama all the time, it's benificial to my marriage if I get to take off the mama hat for a few hours and be the cherished woman of Tom Grimm.
If Big T happens to read this, then let me break it down for you. MAMA NEEDS A DATE! Outside of the house. Far, far away...Jamacia would be awesome, but I will settle for Off the Leaf. (Click on Off the Leaf to see what I am talking about. )
Mama still needs to feel like a woman, and not just a mama. Just sayin' Big T, just sayin'.
And let me tell you how much more energized mama is when she gets a date with her big guy. She is a better wife, and a better mama. It's win, win for everyone.

Mama J's opinion for the day...Bullying.

2011-11-29T15:04:00.000-08:00

IT seems that everywhere I go I am running into a mama with a problem. It seems to me that we all have the same problem. We are not sure of how to parent our kids, and we are all trying to do the best that we can. Amen?!

So today’s conundrum is what to do when someone is bullying your child. Some are of the mindset that if someone hits their child then that gives their child permission to hit back. Some are of the complete opposite mindset that if someone hits their child, they should hug themselves and go tell the teacher. Who is right? Is there a right?

There are not many things I know for sure. But one of the things I do know for sure is that the Bible is true. And in the Bible is says that if we ask for wisdom and understanding God will grant it to us. (James 1:5)

Father, I am asking for some wisdom in how to raise my babies. In Jesus’s sweet name. Amen

Like I’ve said before, I want nothing more than for my children to know and love Jesus. That being said I have to teach them, His ways, even when everything in me (especially the mama cougar) wants to rip some other kid/person apart for bullying my child. Our children watch us. I want them to see me handle important situations (and the not so important ones) in a manner that is pleasing to the Lord. So, what do you do?

Well, let’s dive into what the Bible says to do…

But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. –Matthew 5:39

You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. –Matthew 5:43-44a

I am not going to lie to you here…at first glance this stuff ruffles my feathers a little. You want me to tell my precious baby to turn the other cheek when someone is bullying her? Seriously?!

Not so fast though…

…husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. –Ephesians 5:28

Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” -which is the first commandment with a promise- “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on earth.”- Ephesians 6:1-3

As parents we are the voice and protectors of our children. Just as the husband is the voice and protector of his wife/household. We as mothers and fathers have the right and duty to protect our children. This means that we follow the proper steps in making sure that our child is safe. Even if that ultimately means that you need to remove your child from the situation. Be it a child biting yours in a daycare room, or a group of girls taunting your daughter about whatever mean girls like to taunt your daughter about. Be the voice of your child, and for goodness sake be a loud one. While we can’t ultimately do anything about the other children, besides speculate that they must have uninvolved parents and issues in the home. We do have control over our own children, (well at least out in public I do, at home they run wild.) Keeping them safe is always the number one priority.

And let me be very clear in this: It is abusive for any adult to allow bullying to take place under their supervision. It needs to be handled immediately. Please don’t tell me that kids will be kids. Because I am not buying that and I won’t back down.

Also we should talk to our children about what the Bible instructs us to do when someone hurts us physically or emotionally. Loving their enemies is a hard truth to hear but an important one to know. I know that it does not come easy for me to love my enemies. In fact I have to pray to even want to PRAY for them. It is a process but one that needs to be done. By allowing a root of bitterness to grow in their heart towards the bully, they allow the bully and the enemy of their little sweet souls a foothold into their life. Praying for the other person is the only way that we as parents can team up with Jesus and our child to reach the bully. And I can’t think of a better way to reach them.

So there is my 2 cents on bullying. Take it or leave it and please I would love to hear your responses.

The Mama Dance

2011-11-28T15:22:00.000-08:00

It seems that I am always coming back to the art of mothering. It truly is an art. You should see how I dance around little toes and gracefully spin my legs over little heads as to not knock anyone down. I am able to unload the dishes, feed a baby a bottle, save an 18 month old from hacking off her toe with a knife she found in the dishwasher, wipe a boogie and hunt for “what is that SMELL?” in the kitchen.

Ok, who threw their buddies poopy diaper in the kitchen garbage?! Those go outside!!!

Get off the baby. Seriously, you can’t sit on him.

I am sorry, but your already brushed your teeth 3 times this morning. You need to stop.

You must change your socks….why? Because you already wore them for 3 days, and we have standards. Not even high ones…change your socks.

Please stop flipping the light on and off.

He is allowed to look at you, you are tattling. I don’t want to hear about it.

Where did this candy wrapper come from?

You are not allowed to say “suck it,” where did you even hear that?!...me? *blush*…yeah Mommy shouldn’t say that either.

Tell me that’s not art.

Since becoming a mommy 6 years ago, I’ve said a million things (a million times) that I never thought I would ever say. Who knew that it needed to be a rule that you can’t use the potty at the same time your sister is trying to use the potty. Did anyone see that coming? You would think after 6 years that I would be used to the beautiful chaos, but I am not. My children always surprise me with their new ideas on how to live their little lives. I love it. Some days are super long, but I am realizing that the last 6 years just FLEW by. Sheesh!
I am constantly thankful for the extra dose of patience God has given me, and the sweet invention of coffee. Thank you Jesus.
Our pastor preached an amazing sermon this week on thankfulness. He talked about writing down just 10 things every day for a while that you are thankful for, without repeating….you know I love a good challenge. Here goes…
1. Jesus
2. My Husband
3. My children (are they 5 separate things or can I lump them together?)
4. Coffee
5. My accountability group
6. My workout buddies
7. Decaf coffee
8. My education
9. My church family
10. My freedom
That list was not hard, took me less than a minute to write. Only the first 3 are in order of importance...please don't think I value coffee or decaf over my church family or freedom. :)

Where you go I'll go.

2011-11-25T15:27:00.000-08:00

But Ruth replied “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” Ruth 1: 16
Ruth is one of my favorite stories in the Bible. Heck, I even named my son, Boaz so you know I really love it. I love Ruth’s devotion to her mother-in-law. I love how she is willing to risk everything she has ever known to be faithful to God. I love her teachable and humble spirit. I love Ruth. What I love more than Ruth or Boaz or Naomi as individuals, is them as a unit. Ruth was devoted to Naomi. Boaz was devoted to Ruth. I love this.
It’s not often that you have a friendship that is a Ruth/Naomi friendship. I will be completely honest, I am not sure I would follow my mother-in-law to some distant land if my husband were to die. Scratch that, I KNOW I would not follow my mother-in-law. And that is not a reflection on her at all, it’s just not what I would choose to do.
So many of you already know the story of Ruth and Boaz, but in case you don’t , let me tell you. It’s a very romantic story. And I’ve often said that Big T is my Boaz and that’s why I chose to name our son that. Ruth was a young Moabite girl living among her mother-in-law’s people, who are the Ephrathites from Bethleham. The typical Moabite worshiped pagan gods and the people of Bethlehem would not want anything to do with her, even if she did accept the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob as her God. (Which she did.) Ruth ended up there because her husband had died (and her brother-in-law and father-in-law) and Naomi had no one to take care of her. It was the custom back then to watch over your widows, and if Naomi were to have another son, then Ruth would marry him. (I think this is all kinds of nasty…but that’s just me.) However, Naomi was too old to have any more children so she released Ruth and her sister-in-law to go back to their family of origin. Her sister-in-law left but Ruth wanted to stay with Naomi. Hence the “where you go I will go and where you stay I will stay,” comment.
Long story short (the Bible tells the best version of this story.) Naomi played matchmaker with Ruth and a much older than Ruth, Boaz. They got married, had a baby and they are in the lineage of Jesus Christ.
I have a Ruth. I have a friend that will go with me anywhere, and I mean ANYWHERE at the drop of a hat to pray with me. To speak of the Lord she would go to the scariest places there are on earth without a second though. She loves me, and she loves Jesus. Not in that order.  She has spoken some very hard truths into my life, but girlfriend has the gift of doing it with so much love I hardly hear the correction part of it. And because of all the love, I know I need to change that behavior. This girl has failed with me, and succeeded with me. She is on my team no matter what I lead us head strong into. She might tell me of the dangers but this girl has got my back. And I am in awe of her.
So I have the very rare, Ruth/Naomi relationship and I cherish it. I pray all of the time for my Ruth. I pray that our relationship grow to glorify God, and that He bind us together.

My Ruth is named Kendra...she's my girl!

Life Support

2011-11-23T09:12:00.000-08:00

Who is it that you turn to when crap goes down? Who is your life support? I wish I could say that I always turn to Jesus, but in the spirit of honesty sometime I turn to the one who can make all things new, LAST! I know, what’s wrong with me. I am human; I think that might be the problem.
I am always intrigued by who my children choose as their life support. Being the mama is not the fun job. I have to do all kinds of things that are hard, dole out consequences, tell them to do their chores and finish meals that “are not my favorite.” Mamas get the schwanse. Daddies on the other hand. They keep special treats in their truck so when the littles go for a ride they get a truck treat. Daddies love to wrestle and sneak bites of pie to littles who didn’t finish their dinners. Daddies take them on special dates to pick out awesome date dresses, wake them up at 6am to take them to McDonald’s. Daddies are fun.
However, when crap goes down, it’s the mama they turn too. The source of comfort. Man, Moms we are important. We can make or break out kiddos.
I had coffee and conversation with a girl that I just adore last night. She is going through some really tough stuff. And even though it’s not the best thing for her, (and she knows this) she still desires to have a relationship with her mom. Even after her mom has been the source of not so good experiences for her. She made the comment to me last night. “She is my mom, you know. You always want your mom to love you.” Yes, my child, you do.
So, Mamas love your babies (and don’t let them grow up to be cowboys). Treat them as the gift that they are. If you are feeling overwhelmed call on the True Life Support, because until your littles know Christ…you are their life support. They need you to make good choices for them, so that they are able to make good choices later on in life.

To raise up a child...

2011-11-22T12:29:00.000-08:00

Honestly I can't think of a harder job than being a mother, except for being a foster mother. Just a little fyi, the next foster mom you run into give her a great big hug and tell her thanks. Her job is THANKLESS...and if you think you have any idea of what she is going through, you don't. Even if you walked a couple miles in these...

So keep your opinions to yourself and just love on her. But that was a serious tangent and not what I wanted to write about. :)
Parenting is HARD! Please don't hear this as me complaining. I love my kiddos and I delight in being with them all day. However it's a little unnerving to know that I am responsible for these 5 little minds. I love them and I pray that I do what is best for them.
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." - Proverbs 22:6
I am trying but it seems like I get side tracked by how other parents, parent. They have their kids do things that I think my kids should do, but it always backfires on me. It wasn't well thought out and my motives behind that brilliant parenting decision was so my kid would act like the Jones' kid. So I am trying to remember what God has told me is important.
"Hear, O, Isreal: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God will all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."-Deuteronomy 6:4-7
This is what God wants me to do. He doesn't care if my children buy Christmas presents for their sibilings with their hard earned allowance (which is something I am struggling with at the moment...), He cares that they love HIM. He cares that I teach them about Jesus. And not just with my words, but with my actions. Children don't listen as much to what you say, as they do to what you do.
I pray that I am leading a life that is glorifying to God. I fail all the time, but I pray that I am receptive to correction and that I ask for forgiveness quickly.
My girls were talking in the car this morning about how old they would have to be before they could wear my shoes. Sissy just said when she is big like me, and Goob announced that when I die then they can have ALL my shoes. Ugh, they are already planning their inheretance. I want to leave them with more than shoes.

More than anything else in this world I want to leave my children knowing and loving Jesus more than anything. And they will come to know this through how I live...every day...every moment...even when I think they are not looking.

Normal

2011-11-21T15:32:00.000-08:00

What does that mean? I have come to the conclusion that life never gets "back to normal" cause it never was to begin with.
And please don't have me tell you what "normal" behavior is for my kids. You know the moment I tell you what they normally do is when they will decide to do the complete opposite.
We are always "busy." That's how we choose to make life.

And seriously....different is beautiful. Screw normal.

When in doubt, TWIRL

2011-11-19T07:22:00.001-08:00

When in doubt, TWIRL…
I went shopping with a friend yesterday with a few of my littles and we found this sign. She commented that it would be good for her youngest daughter, and at the time I didn’t share it but I thought how appropriate it would be for ALL my daughters.
Jelly is at the dancing age. The typical 18 month old drops their tushy up and down and maybe wiggles it around a little, that is their dancing. Jelly is the product of two older sisters who use the handle of the freezer as their ballet bar. So Jelly is not your typical 18 month old. She is very advanced in her dancing stage and girlfriend twirls. She twirls while waiting for me to get her a sippy of milk. She twirls when she is walking through the living room. She twirls on her way to get her diaper changed. She twirls when she wants someone to look at her. She twirls because she loves how it makes her little baby mullet fly through the air. She just twirls because there is not a care in her little 18 month old life.
I’ve recently been talking with a women who is a little down on her (I hate this word but can’t think of another) luck at the moment. She is trying her hardest to get things back in order. After getting off the phone with her I happened to come across Jelly twirling. I picked her up and twirled with her. I told her how I would go to the ends of the earth of her. I would clean toliets with my very own toothbrush if that’s what it meant to keep her. She giggled not understanding but enjoying that mama was twirling with her.
I set her down and she went on her merry way. I sat and pondered her little life. I thanked God for providing me with the opportunity to see the blessing of a twirl. Especially a twirl with my littlest of girls. Something about it made me feel better. I think I need to take a little lesson from Jelly and twirl a little more.

Mommy Cliques

2011-11-18T15:07:00.001-08:00

Breaking in the Clique…shouldn’t be so hard. Actually there shouldn’t be a clique to begin with but it’s the natural tendency of women. I on the other hand was very convicted today that I need to break out of the clique instead.
I went into Goob’s class to pick her up from school today. She has the sweetest teacher alive, who set up a little cookie and apple cider mixer for the families before the Thanksgiving break. I typically will talk with anyone. In fact I get some kind of weird high off of meeting new people and finding out about them.
I sat on the floor of her classroom with BIG on my lap, Jelly eating a cookie in the chair, Sissy and Goob. One mom across the room asked about Mr. Man, and I spied a few parents listening in on the conversation. I introduced myself to a family that I had been watching (sounds like I am a stalker but I am not…). And after Jelly threw a fit about not getting to have another cookie, I decided it was time to go.
As I am walking out a super hip mama from the class walks out too. I make some small talk with her about her daughter and keep walking. I get half way down the hall and realize I have not the slightest idea of what this woman’s name is, so I introduce myself.
We stop to chat for a few minutes and I realize in those few minutes that she is lonely. Every day when she picks up her daughter she doesn’t know anyone. Here I just assumed that super hip mama with the best haircut EVER was totally plugged in…but nope. She mentioned that I must go to that church and I said no actually I go to the one down the street. She was like oh, you just seem to know everyone (she doesn’t know it’s actually a sickness of mine.) and I don’t know anyone. This makes me sad. It’s November and I haven’t made this chick feel welcome in our school. (Cause you know that’s my job, dude.)
I refuse to join closed groups for this very reason. I refuse to be a part of a clique and yet I am in one! Sheesh…I am breaking out. Prepare to get known, if you don’t know me already. I am on a mission to know you and make you feel included and not excluded. Heck I might even invite you over for coffee. 

There is something about...

2011-11-16T09:19:00.001-08:00

There is something about each of my children that is just my absolute favorite thing. It might not be my favorite thing about them...but if I was going to do this one thing then that is the child I would choose.
There is something about sleeping with Goob. Whenever I want to take a nap or when Big T is out of town she is the one I allow in my bed. Her breathing is just so, and she sucks her thumb in a very methodical way that lulls me to sleep. At almost 6 years old I realize that my days of snuggling up to her are numbered, and all I can do is pray that she always wants to be snuggled by mom. When I was pregnant she was so sweet. She would "put mama to nap" and lay with me until I fell asleep and then sneak off to watch cartoons. :) She is such a sweet girl.
There is something about the way Sissy sings. She sings with reckless abandon. She sings about how beautiful she is and how much she loves God. Girlfriend even raps John 3:16. She is the most like me when it comes to listening to the radio, she always wants it on, and has her "favorite part" of each song that she MUST sing because a little part of her just wouldn't be fully alive if she didn't.
There is something about Mr. Man's choice of words that I adore. I admit that I am still getting to know him and so I haven't found that favorite thing yet. He is by far the one of my children who loves to cuddle at all times. He even wants to eat lunch only after he has had a million hugs and kisses. I am so glad to give them. I love how I know which "mama" he is talking about by the way he says the word. I love that his typical response to whatever I ask him to do is "K" and I love, love, love that Big T is still the one and only "Daaee."
There is something about Jelly and the way she laughs. It's contagious. I have not done my job as a mama for the day if I don't get that girl to laugh so hard that everyone else comes running in the room just to see why. She has that laugh that starts in her belly and makes her whole body shake, head back, mouth open and her whole face is just pure joy. God gave us such a happy girl when he gave us Jelly.
There is something about BIG and his smile. Now you have to understand that when BIG was born he was a little rat...I mean...err...runt of a thing. I'd never seen such a tiny baby and well let's just face it when a baby barely weights 5lbs he is not the cutest thing in the world. I insisted that he looked just like Big T and was actually offended when people said he looked like me. Of course that didn't last long...he has since plumped up and has the normal baby chub that every mama loves. What has really happened though is he has turned into the spitting image of Big T. I look at BIG and am in awe of how God cares about the stupid little prayers that we make. For example, "Please let this baby boy look just like his father. Please give him ocean blue eyes and blond hair and his daddy's big strong build." That might have been something that I prayed. When he was born with dark hair, grey eyes and skinny as a Hargis I was kinda upset. That was NOT what I prayed for. Look at my boy now. He couldn't be more Grimm if he tried.
This makes me wonder about how God veiws us. The closest we can ever come to understand how much He loves us is when we become parts. I know there is so much of me that doesn't thrill Him...like my serious issues of judgement and vanity, but I wonder if there is something about me like the way I sleep or smile or laugh that just purely delights Him. Just a wonder I have. :)

And the beat goes on...

2011-11-15T08:24:00.001-08:00

Here we are 5 days after "getting" Mr. Man. Life seems to be back to normal. Crazy as that may seem, he has seemed to just glide right back into our home like nothing ever happened. Sure there are some things that we are having to work around...like the fact that he seems to be used to eatting out instead of eatting what he is served. He figured that one out quick. ;) But other than the occasional upset things are going smoothly.
God has been so blatent about this being His will for our lives, and honestly I can't thank Him enough for smacking me in the face with His will. I truely have needed that reassurance time and time again, and each time God has provided it.
The girls seem to be doing rather well with the adjustment. Everyone has a buddy. Jelly is not happy with her buddy because she gets man-handled (read that as mothered) by Goob more than she wants to be. And Sissy and Mr. Man seem to do ok until they realize that Sissy is a girl and Mr. Man is a boy...and they are touching (holding hands) and that spreads germs. Ha! So does sucking on the cart at Wal-mart but no one seems to mind that, and so they hold hands begrudgingly.
I am realizing that I need a plan of attack each day. I don't want to herd my children instead of shepard them. I want to be able to spend quality time with them collectively and individually. I can't do that AND run a tight ship with how I have been managing my house and my time. So friends until I get it figured out (and I am not sure that will ever truely happen) bare with me if I seem unavailable. This is a season just like any other and the "toughness" of it will pass and once again I will be bopping around town like I got nothing to do but kill time, drink coffee and speak of my Jesus. :) I am drinking in every single minute of my family at the moment. I am still so in awe of God and how He loves me despite how stupid I am. He chose to give me the desires of my heart...Thank you!

Noah, Part 4

2011-11-11T08:36:00.000-08:00

There is so much that happened between the “times of Noah.” I won’t give all the sorted details but those who know us best know it as our time of Job. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Ella. 2 months later we got pregnant again.  Totally planned believe it or not.
We fostered 3 girls from the time Noah left until the birth of our 4th child, Boaz. We learned so much from each child and each of those girls has a special place in my heart, but it never felt like it did with Noah. I still ached for him. I would still cry myself to sleep thinking about him.
I remember coming home one day and Tom had taken his picture off the mantel and just moved it downstairs to the family room. I threw a fit. I yelled about how I would never forget him, and that he is my son, how dare he try to make me forget. Poor Tom, he knew that he wasn’t dealing with a rational woman when it came to how feircely I love my babies. So back on the mantel the picture went.
I thought I had come to a pretty good place with the situation of losing Noah until our son, Boaz was born. I would find myself thinking Boaz would be taken from us, and I would call him “Noah” without realizing it, and other people would have to correct me. I couldn’t figure out why all of a sudden this longing for Noah was back.
And then it happened. I wish I would have written down the day. I got a call and a voice mail from a social worker who knew about Noah. It was after hours when I got the message and I freaked that I wouldn’t be able to get ahold of her to find out about my boy. I begged the secretary to just tell me if he was okay or not. She said “Honey, this is news you are gonna like.” This sweet woman had listened to me cry for my boy more than once. She knew how I had a mother’s heart for him.
The details are not important now, and well let’s face it...there are some things that are just too private to share on a public blog, but I saw Noah again last week for the first time. It was unreal. He looked at me, I looked at him. There was no running and embracing. But there was a staredown of “I think I know you.” It had been 19 months since we had last seen him. He is a big boy now! It wasn’t until he laughed when Tom picked him up that my heart was set right. My Noah. The son born of my heart was back.
Noah remember our home right away. He said “This is my house” after he had been here for about 10 minutes. It was wonderful. We’ve seen Noah with some regularity since that first meeting, and everytime it is harder and harder for him to leave. He calls me “Mama” and Tom is “Daaee” the girls are “my girls” and Boaz is the ”baby.” I know this journey is not over yet. Noah has a move in date to our home in mid-November. And after about 6 months his last name with be Grimm and he will know what it is like Growing Up Grimm.

Noah, Part 3

2011-11-03T17:16:00.001-07:00

When the truck drove away, I went inside. Raw with emotion and crawled in bed. I don't remember much of anything from the day Noah left until the day Ella was born. A month later. I pretty much stayed in bed for the next two weeks. My heart was broken. I truely thought that this was a fate worse than death, and it some ways I still believe that to be true. My son was not dead, but he wasn’t tucked safely within the walls of my home either.
After 2 weeks of me laying in bed my family had enough. Friends of course didn’t know what to say...and strangers all said the same thing..”isn’t this what you signed up for when you became a foster parent?” Put that on your list of things never to say to a foster mom.
It was a Sunday afternoon. We had gone to church. I pasted a big ole’ fake smile on my face. Recited over and over again how I trusted in the sovergnty of our God and how He loves Noah even more than I ever could. I chanted Romans 8:28-God works for the good of those who love Him. Did I love Him enough? I thought I had done everything he could have ever asked of me. I had turned away from my sins, I was a good Bible Study girl, I read the Word, I prayed, I didn’t curse. What else could I have done to keep Noah? These were all the thoughts swirling around in my head as I laid on my bed that Sunday afternoon. Then the door creaked, and a little 5 year old girl crawled up into my bed. She wiggled herself around me, until she had my head resting in her sweet little lap. She swept my hair off my face, wiped my tears and said to me “Dont be sad Mama. I know you miss Noah, I miss him too. But you still have me and Hannah.” I cried harder thinking of what a horrible mother I had been to her the last couple weeks. Then bounding into the room came Hannah in all her glory. She jumped on my bed and started singing “Once Upon a Dream” at the top of her lungs while shaking what her mama gave her. I couldn’t help but start laughing.
I am sure the sound of laughter of any kind was unusual for Tom to hear, especially me laughing and so he came upstairs to see what was going on. We all wrestled on the bed, and then he said to us that Gramma Laura had just called to say that puppies had been born the night before and she was wondering if we would like to hold them. He knew my mothers heart could not resist a newborn of any species. And slowly I started taking steps to becoming “normal” again.
I won’t sugar coat this at all. It was hard. I was never “normal.” My depression was deep. My son, the one born of my heart, the one that God had told me was mine, was no longer here to hold. I learned many lessons those first few months. I had completely stopped talking to God. I was angry. I would go to Bible Study and just sob every week. Those women were amazing. It wasn’t until I recited for the millionth time how I knew that God had a plan, and that is was good, that my instructor told me that it was okay to be angry. She told me that God was big enough to handle my anger, but to keep talking to Him even if it was screaming. And boy did I let God have it when I got home.
“YOU TOLD ME HE WAS MINE! YOU TOLD ME HE WAS MINE! I DID EVERYTHING YOU ASKED OF ME AND YOU STILL TOOK HIM FROM ME. WHY? WHY WOULD YOU BREAK MY HEART? I AM HIS MAMA. HE IS SCARED AND ALONE. I AM SO ANGRY!”
My answer wasn’t audible but it was a still voice in my head.
“My child, none of your children belong to you. They all belong to me. Do you remember praying over him that first night? You gave him to me. I love him. I gave him to you for a season as I do all of your children. You will never earn my favor. I love you because I love you. Not because of anything you do for me. My child, he is not alone. He is never alone. I will protect him.”
I sobbed. I wondered if my heart would ever be whole again. I began to think if I could just get to the birth of this baby inside me that would fix everything. I learned very quickly that one child will never replace another.

Noah, Part 2

2011-11-01T13:46:00.000-07:00

It only took us a few days to realize that this beautiful little boy was like a wounded little bird. He would need to be loved, and nurtured to be able to fly. He captured my heart so quickly. I remember saying to friends how odd it was for me to love this boy as much as the children I gave birth too. I thought it was just that God had given me a heart for foster care. I didn't realize at the time what a special bond we had.
Noah lived with us for 5 months. In that 5 months I became his mama. Tom was his "daaaeee." He was learning so many words, he was responding just like our daughters to whatever situation he was put it. He had learned to trust us and love us. To say I loved Noah seems not quite enough. I breathed because of him and my girls. I was thrilled to hear from Noah's social worker that he was adoptable and that we would just have to "wait out" the system before he became our child legally.
2 weeks later "they" dropped a bomb on us. "Sit down" He said to me on the phone. I am 8 months pregnant, in Noah's room putting laundry away. I am holding Lightening McQueen underpants that we were just starting to introduce to Mr. Man. "I need you to pack up Noah's stuff. The court ordered that he go back to his mom and I will pick him up at 11am on Thursday." I dropped to the floor. I couldn't breath. I couldn't speak. I just started to shriek. Animal like noises came out of me. I thought I was going to vomit and pass out all at the same time. "Get yourself together." He said. "You signed up for this when you became a foster parent." He said. He had lost his heart. He didn't know what he was telling me. This wasn't just a boy to me. This was my son. My son. Did he not understand that? My son. I couldn't breath....breath...I need to breath. I have to calm down for the baby, I thought. This could put me into labor. "oh God, why?" I cried. "These things happen." He said.
I called Tom in I am sure what is the worst state he's ever heard me in. I can only imagine what he thought happened because it took me a full 10 minutes to calm down enough to even utter "Noah" recognizably to him.
I honestly don't remember a lot of those 3 days between that phone call and when he left our home. I remember packing his things and writing my phone number on EVERYTHING. Hopeing that his birth mom would call me if she needed help, or that she might let me see Noah. I remember thinking I need to send him with a Bible. I will pray for him every day for the rest of my life, I thought. I did. And still do.
I remember 11am Thursday morning when the doorbell rang and my heart sank. I remember kissing my boy with tears streaming down my face. I remember my husband being so angry with the "him" that took Noah away that he had to leave the drive way so he wouldn't do anything regretable. I'd never seen my man like that. I remember Noah just sobbing. My baby. Only 2 years old. I can only imagine the horror of what he thought happened. Mom and Dad put me in a truck with a man I don't know, and I never saw them again. The pain is still so raw. That will forever be one of the worst days of my life.

Noah's Story Part 1

2011-11-01T05:54:00.001-07:00

November 9, 2009
Noah came into our lives. He walked in the door of my home with his little mullet/rat tail and big brown eyes and stole my heart. He was sitting at the table when my husband came home for dinner that night. Noah, Sarah and Hannah all eatting mac and cheese like it was the most normal thing in the world for them to be doing. Welcome home Dad, I said...you have a new son, Noah. And that's how he became our son. We didn't know anything about him. We didn't know his birthday, his favorite things, what he liked to eat (or that he was sensative to lactose-which we found out shortly after ingesting a box of mac and cheese and a sippy of milk.) All we knew is that he needed a home, needed love and was around 2 years old.
Tom and I became foster parents for very different reasons. Tom has a heart for children, he always has. Long before he became a Christian he has always talked about wanting to do foster care. Now that we were Christians it just seemed like the natural step for him to take in his faith to share his home and love with those in need. I wish I could say I was as self-less as Tom. But in the spirit of honesty I wasn't. I didn't want to do foster care. That seemed too hard. Falling in love with a child just to have them taken from your home? No thank you. I would rather take what I thought was the easy road and adopt. But since I had also become a follower of Christ I knew that my place was to submit to my husband's ultimate decision on this. So I became a foster parent out of obedience. Very reluctant, but obedience non the less.
6 months after being liscensed to take a child under the age of 2 into our home we figured "they" (being the State of Montana) didn't like us. They had yet to place a child with us, and we had also just found out we were pregnant with our 3rd child.
Earlier in the day we had been driving home and our 4 year old daughter, Sarah asked me if I knew who Noah was. I told her yes, like Noah and the ark right? "No" She said "Noah is Jesus' friend." Hmmm, I thought to myself. I will never be able to figure out the mind of a 4 year old. I went about my day and didn't think much about this conversation until I got the call from Child and Family Services asking if we would consider taking a little boy around the age of 2. I told the worker that I would need to call my husband and we would need to pray about this decision but I asked what the little boy's name was so that I knew who we were praying for. "Noah" she replied. I dropped to my knees and prayed right there with my daughters ages 4 and 2. God had already given me His answer earlier in the day through the voice of my daughter, but I still asked for wisdom. As it turns out, I was not able to contact my husband and made the excutive decision to invite this little boy into our home.
Noah showed up 45 minutes after I gave DFS the okay to bring him by. They left him at our house with a backpack full of things that didn't fit him and no information on him. At 2 years old the only word Noah knew how to say was "cars." We searched our house for a car for him that night. My husband ended up finding a Polly Pocket pink limo for him to hold as he went to sleep. Tom and I laid in bed that night in awe of the responsibility that God had given us, frightened of what lay ahead but knowing that God was ultimately in control. We had no idea on November 9, 2009 how our lives would be changed forever.

It never ceases to amaze me:

2011-08-28T16:52:00.000-07:00

-when someone does something on purpose to hurt your feelings.
-when I look at the face of my sleeping children and feel the amount of love I have for them.
-how there is only one person on this earth that can make me rage in an instant, but in the next instant I'd give my life for: my husband.
-that labor and delivery still give me the jitters. I LOVE IT!
-when I think about how Christ redeemed my life.
-how He has given me people here who love me because of who I am and dispite of who I am.
-when I look at a rainbow.
-the amount of stink that can come out of a 5lb baby boy.
-how God chooses to show me His love for ME, little ole' me, daily.

What I can do without...

2011-08-25T13:25:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking quite a bit about changing our livestyle. We are pretty comfortable, and I feel there is even more we can do without. We already do without cable (which is unheard of by some) and a phone. I don't really miss those things, because we have never had them since being married.
We have seemed to do without eatting out now that we have children. It's just too expensive and you never know what kind of attitudes the littles will have when you take them out in public.
I gave up sugar 24 days ago, and I am really enjoying doing without it. Thinking about giving up caffine next, but I didn't want to jump right into "crazy" I wanted to ease into it. :)
This is our choice. Even though I say that I still think that others should do without. It drives me nuts that someone people have an abundance, and others don't. I think we should give away everything we absolutely don't need to live.
I *might* have pointed this out to someone recently. Whoa buddy does my mouth ever get me in trouble. I have been pointing the finger about what others should do without...when really I need to be pointing it back on myself because I could seriously do without being so critical and judgemental of others. That's what I really need to be working on doing without. Especially since I don't give away EVERYTHING we don't need. I hold onto stuff too. I desire nice things. So I am wanting God to change my heart. I want Him to help me do without...in my judgement and critizim, but also in my life. Let me follow His example. Cause seriously on my own I am so terrible at it.

He is BIGGER than I could ever imagine.

2011-08-24T05:02:00.000-07:00

If you've been reading my blog then you know I've gone through some really dry periods where I don't post anything. Often it is because during that time in my life I am in the valley. I am feeling very low, and it's not really something I want to share. I know that those are just feelings and they will change. For everything there is a season...
To me it's just amazing and odd. I love spring and summer. Those are by far my favorite times of year. The warmer weather, how the sun is just BRIGHT and all the new signs of life. Flowers, baby birdies and this year the bunnies all over our yard. This year though I was spiritually in the dead middle of winter during our physical spring and summer. I was dealing with some tough stuff and really wondering how long this season was going to last.
THANK GOD FOR THE SPRING!!! We have arrived in Spring. There is new life, flowers, and hoppin' bunnies. (Ok I can say that everything is true except the bunnies.)We have ended out season of rest, which was much needed and we are very grateful for. And now I am back in the grove of what God has designed for me to be doing.
It's amazing to me how well it goes when we are in the center of God's will. Makes me wonder why the heck we don't stay there. Our humanness gets in the way. We think *we* can make the decisions without having to pray about them. But really that's just not right. We should pray about everything.
Yesterday I almost let the urgent get in the way of the important. But I had a wonderful mentor remind me, that deadlines are not nearly as important as taking the time to pray.
I can only see my little slice of the pie, but God sees the whole thing. He is so much BIGGER than I could ever imagine, and I am so grateful for that.
I know that just like every season my spring will turn into summer, fall and winter...and I will again wonder how long this winter will last. God is good. He's not so concerned about my happiness in the season He has put me in, as He is with my growth in becoming more like Him. And while I hate this, it's a fact that I grow more during the winter. :)

A Work in Progress

2011-08-17T05:31:00.001-07:00

A few days ago I started on an idea I have been mulling around for a while. I love to write. I might not be very good at it, but I really enjoy expressing my thoughts on paper. I started a No Sweets Challenge at the first of this month and I am surprised at how much it has changed every aspect of my life. Not only have I cut out sweets, but I have cut out processed food all together. I am desiring to get back to a more basic diet. Whole foods. The way God intended us to eat when we were first created. Yesterday while talking to a vegitarian friend of mine about hotdogs I was feeding the kids. I made the choice to not eat meat (well hotdogs at least) for that meal. It felt good. I am not saying I am going vegitarian. Or I will never eat processed foods, but I am just trying to have a healthier lifestyle.
I also realized some mental games I was playing with myself associated to this food. I have found out what and who are triggers for me wanting to eat sweets. And I have been able to pray through those things. All through this challenge I have looked at it as a lifestyle change. I just needed someone to challenge me to change....and so I thought of the Radical Faith Challenge.
I desire to live radically for Christ and yet I don't. I know that being a Christ follower isn't about rules and religion, it is about relationships. Even so, there are some guidelines that Christ laid out for us as followers of His way that we don't HAVE to follow but would be His best plan for our lives. And when you follow closely to the will of God it just goes well with you. If not in this life in the life to come. He is faithful.
I get so wrapped up in the world and it's expectations that I forget what God wants of me. My heart. The whole thing.
I was accused of being self righteous and I am going to own that. Of course I am. I am human. I fail all the time. But my goal as a Christian is to change that daily. I am a work in progress.
The Radicial Faith Challenge is a 40 day challenge to be more like Christ. I am hoping that by doing this challenge I will change just as much as I have during the No Sweets Challenge. Again, it might be just 40 days but I am looking at this as a lifestyle change. And harder than the No Sweets Challenge I will have to start over everyday knowing that I am never going to achieve my goal until eternity. I will always have to work hard at being like Christ. I will fail and go back to my old ways so often, because I am a work in progress.

Beautiful Things

2011-08-10T06:10:00.000-07:00

I love the song from Gungor called, "Beautiful Things." It also happens to be the free download from klove.com this week. Go check it out.
It makes me think about my life. I've done some pretty dirty stuff. You may think I am pretty honest and open on my blog, which I am. But there are still somethings that I hold back from everyone. Everyone has that little secret that they are sure if they tell, people will stop being their friend. ;) Which I think is dumb since everyone has one, then why do we judge each other so harshly? But we do, we are human. I love how God can take those dirty things that I have done and turn them into something beautiful. Gungor hits the nail right on the head...flowers come up from the dirt. Wow. Amen to that.

Just cause I am a sucker for Beautiful Things I thought I would share a picture of something I think is beautiful:

From a former pit-dweller

2011-08-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time. I have been in the pit. Literally to hell and back. You know I've always heard people say (especially Beth Moore) how God has redeemed them from the pit, and I am always like, yeah me too. But now I know what they are talking about. I thought once I became a believer I would no longer be a "pit-dweller" God wouldn't allow that right? Wrong. We make our own choices.
I've explained it this way to my children. God has a best plan for you. When you make the right choice of staying in the center of His will, it will go well with you. (Ephesians 6:1-3) When you make the wrong choice and step out of God's protection things are not going to go well, in fact it may suck. And suck it does.
In the last 9 months I have really evaluated my calling. In November, WE decided that we were ready to do foster care again. We didn't pray about it, we just decided it. In December, we were asked to take two beautiful girls. Again, no praying, just a yes. Who wouldn't want these girls? Slowly our world started to fall apart. For 6 months we could not keep our family well. Someone or everyone was always sick, but we trudged through it, not praying just knowing that this had to be God's plan for our lives.
I gave birth April 25, 2011. 6 weeks premature. Still we didn't seek the Lord for His guidence. Did we pray? You bet we did, every day. Read my Bible everyday, but listen to what God wanted me to do in my life...nope. Boaz was born at 5lbs 6oz, relatively healthy but still had to be in the NICU for a few days. A week after giving birth I ended up in the hospital with a deadly infection...and still did not seek the Lord. I was in and out of the hosptial for pretty much the entire month of May. Yet, I still believed that I could "handle" everything. Even though I wasn't phsyically able to even take care of myself. I relyed heavily on my amazing friends and husband to take care of our children. I would say the time in the hospital was my darkest time...little did I know it would get darker.
I came home from the hospital to stay, and finally started to deal with the fact that we had 6 kids and I was going to be at home alone with them. I had no way of leaving the house. We had no transportation. I had prayed for God to provide for us transportation and He let me down. (Did He? no...God always provides.) I started to spiral down quickly. Post partum anxiety, grew into full blown depression which spiraled into panick attacks. I was in the pit. I came to a place where I no longer cared what anyone thought of me but I had to admit I wasn't super woman, I couldn't do it. I could barely walk across the room without wanting to throw up from anxiety how could I possibly think I could take care of these children. God was stripping me naked, making me shed my pride.
The hardest thing I ever did was call our social worker and tell them that we had to find another home for the girls. I loved them. I wanted to keep them, but that wasn't God's plan for us. I knew I'd let my family be out of God's center of protection for the last 6 months. I had let some horrible things happen to us so that I could "save" these girls. Yet, they didn't need me to save them. God can do all things WITHOUT ME getting in the way. The only thing I needed to do was to listen to Him.
I wish I could tell you that life instantly got easier. But it didn't. I actually went further down in my depression. I started calling my son by the name of my other son that we lost over a year ago. I cried all the time. I just wanted to leave. I cried out to my friends...why is it getting worse when I am praying for it to get better? And they had no answers. I still wasn't getting it. God wanted me. All of me, all the time. Not just when things were good giving Him thanks, not just when things are bad asking to be rescued. All the time, every moment, every breath, all of me for Him.
Here we are in August. And I can say we are still healing. I have once again givin God all of me, all the time. He has redeemed me from the pit. I pray daily that I never get so full of my abilities that I forget to ask God to be my guide. To be my everything. I know that even when following Him life will happen, and it might not go as I would want it to go. But He is God, and I am not. His ways are not my ways. But I can always trust in His unfailing love, redemption and promises.

Some things never get old...

2011-04-01T08:46:00.001-07:00

I could hardly sleep last night I was so excited for today! It reminded me waiting for Christmas as a child...or more recently waiting for the birth of my children. I always get antsy around week 38, thinking that every twinge could be "it"! You will laugh at the fact that what I am so excited about today is my 20 wk ultrasound...ya know, I'm only 32 wks along. :) We had an emergency ultrasound done around week 18 so we found out the gender of this little baby then, but they didn't do the measurements or anything like that, just made sure he was ok. Today they are doing measurements, firming up my due date, and I just get to see this little boy that is growing inside of me.
Some things just never get old. You'd think that this being my 4th pregnancy that I would be over the ultrasound excitment. Nope, that never gets old. Heartburn, strechmarks and an acheing back, now THAT gets old...but not seeing my baby.
You know what never gets old is the day they are actually born. I haven't been induced or had a c-section so each birth to me was a surprise. And each of the past 3 births have been the BEST days of my life. I love giving birth. I love labor. I love being able to sleep on my stomach again. But mostly it never gets old seeing what God created inside of me for the first time.
Doesn't it just blow your mind that God knew this child before he was concieved. God has plans for this child, even though in OUR plans he was never meant to be. God knows the number of hairs on his little head, and has already called him by name. That is amazing to me. So I am excited. Trying not to get my hopes up that they move my due date a little closer. And really praying that they don't move it farther away. :)

Red Mitten parenting...

2011-03-31T09:36:00.000-07:00

When I was about the age of 10, I lived in Alaska. My parents bought my brother and I all the appropriate winter gear for living in Alaska. I have a beautiful pink winter coat, and I loved it. However, my parents for SOME reason decided that I should have these red mittens. They so didn't match, and I hated them. Worse was that my brother who was 3 years younger than me had the exact same mittens.
One day I decided I had figured out how to get out of wearing this aweful mittens that did not match my beautiful pink coat. I hide them and lied to my mother. I told her that I couldn't find them. Eventually they were found, and I remember it being fairly tramatic event for my mother to find out that I was lying to her.
I started re-reading Sheparding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp last night. Thankful for Goob. I want to be a nice authority figure. I want her to obey me because this is her heart's desire, not because I've scared her into doing it. I want to make sure that I am training her in God's why, not just the way I want things done. I do not want to be her taskmaster. I want to be her shepard. I want to love her, and show her how to be the woman that God has called her to be.
This morning we magically couldn't find something. It was something that yesterday she told me had a hole in it, and I told her that we would fix it. What I didn't understand is that maybe Goob didn't want it fixed, she wanted a new one because this old one was too babyish. I totally get that. I wasn't upset that we couldn't find it, but I told her that we would need to look for it after school. Then it hit me...red mittens. I asked if maybe she wanted a new one and so had hide it from me. She didn't tell me the truth at first, and then she fessed up after she had a second to think about it.
On the way to school she kept looking at me and telling me how sorry she was. I told her I knew she was sorry, but that my heart was just broken that she thought she had to lie to me. I would have gotten her a new one if she told me that it was too babyish. I started to cry. I thought we could communicate better than that. I just never expected this from her. I told her there would be a consequence for her action, but I wasn't sure what it was yet, I would need to talk with Daddy. She reminded me that she had apologized. I told her, I knew that, and I forgave her but sometimes there are still consequences for our actions even after we've been given forgiveness.
We prayed for restoration, and we went to school. I gave her a hug and told her how much I love her and that never changes no matter what.
I talked to Big T about it. He said I might have put her on a pedestal thinking that she could never lie to me. Yep. I did. I am thankful for God's guidence in this. I hope it wasn't tramatic for her, but I hope she remembers how much it hurt mommy and Jesus when she lies.
Ugh, parenting is so HARD!

New Life and Eternal Life

2011-03-20T16:03:00.001-07:00

It's SPRING at the Grimm house...
I am not sure when the exact time for the change from winter to spring is but it's hit the Grimm house hard. We've got the swing set up and running, a new hammock, and fresh tracks of mudd on my kitchen floor. But I am not complaining, I LOVE the warmer weather. I love the rain instead of snow, I love the sun rising at the same time or earlier than I do. (I almost always beat the sun up!) We love Spring...and it arrived none too soon.
Every winter about February/March Big T and I start discussing moving to a southern location. I am some serious winter blues about this time. I feel couped up in the house, and I hate being cold, so I crank up the heat. Big T gets the heat bill almost strokes out and decides it would be WAY cheaper and better for his life/wife if he moved us south. Something always keeps us here.
Last year it was our Mr. Man, and this year it's K and Tracker. Heck we can't even leave our town without asking for permission from the State to leave. A constant reminder that our lives are not our own. We also have a church family that would keep us here unless God Himself plucked us out of this place we call home.
That brings me to the sermon today...the last 24 hours of the life of Jesus. He faced many "trials" not only just being human and hated but the mock trials that the world put him through, He knew He would end up on the cross and still He went like a lamb to the slaughter, silently and willingly. He HAD to die so that we could live. I am in awe of this. Always in awe...
In the last week I have wanted to quit. Foster care is HARD. It's hard not "owning' these girls, not knowing how long I will get to call them ours. It's hard loving someone knowing that you are going to lose them. It's hard getting a 3 year old and an 18 month old and your supposed to figure out without any help what makes them tick. It's HARD. I am such a complainer, I get reminded all the time that this is God's calling for me, but man do I drop the ball. I am obedient in that I always do what God asks me to do, but do I put up a temper tantrum, you bet. I needed to hear that sermon so badly, I needed to be remind that Christ paid the ultimate price for me. FOR ME...yeah it might be hard, not nearly as hard as it could be, but because of Christ I have the assurance of victory, and eternal life with Him. Thank you, Jesus.

Sissy's sassy mouth

2011-03-18T16:32:00.000-07:00

There really isn't a word in the english language that could describe Sissy to you. She is spunky, fun, full of life, difficult, halarious, blunt and she is just Sissy. She's never been one to sugar coat anything, and there isn't much time between her thinking the thought and it coming out her mouth...huh, the more I describe her the more I think she might be like me. :)
This last month Mama's body has been really changing, and Sissy has noticed. She also has something to say about all the changes going on. A few weeks ago she asked what the spots where on my face. I told her they were freckles, and she said, "no not the freckles, all the holes, it looks like you got lots of shots in your face." Oh, you mean my HUGE pores?! Sigh, I told her that she has baby soft skin but someday she would have them too. She started to cry. She doesn't want to have holes in her face. Yeesh....
She's told me over and over again that I am too big for my cloths and I need to get this baby out of me to be smaller. Yes, child...I know.
I came out of the bedroom a week ago after sleeping and my shirt was up over my belly...she came running up to me and started tracing my stretch marks. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TUMMY, MAMA?!" She screamed at me, at 6am. Another deep sigh, and I pour myself a cup of coffee before I attempted to answer this one.
Today tops the cake. I am getting ready to take a shower, and in a house of girls there is no reason to hide what I got. As usually all of my girls are jammed into the bathroom with me, because they can't survive the 20 minutes it takes me to shower and get dressed without asking me a round of 20 questions each. Sissy looks at my tushy and says "oh mama, you have ouchies on your tushy, I am sorry mama." I look at my bottom in the mirror, no ouchies. I tell her I don't have any ouchies. She rubs her hand over my lumpy bottom and says "yes, you do all over here." OHHHHH, my cellulite. I almost want to cry, but then I think that if I twist it enough it's a compliment that she thinks they are ouchies. It means she knows that mama's bottom doesn't look like that normally. But seriously, I don't need anything else being pointed out by my 3 year old. But because it's Sissy, it's okay. That's who she is, and I love her anyway...and I am not the type of mama that would EVER curse her with cellulite and large pores when she is older. :) Or am I?

I thought I was past dating!

2011-03-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here waiting for Goob's friend from school to come over for the first time. I was so relieved when I met Big T at the tender age of 19 and knew that he was the one that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Whew, I got to skip the whole dating scene. The akward first dates and include telling about yourself, but not too much because if anyone finds out about the REAL you on the first date they would never come back right?! And the careful dance of not getting into deep conversation, but not just talking about the weather...sigh. I was so glad to have skipped all that.
Fast forward 8 years and I am all of a sudden in the dating scene again. When my kids were younger I was the one who decided who they would play with. It wasn't really about who their friends were, more like which mom I wanted to hang out with. Now that Goob is in school she has one friend that she REALLY loves and has been wanting to have over. It took me 6 months to work up the nerve to introduce myself to this child's mother.
This mother is not your typical mama. I think of myself as the typical mama. I wear sweats some days, and some days jeans and on the occasional day if it is called for I will dress up. I thought this mama must work because she is always decked out. And she's about the cutest thing you've ever laid eyes on. She can't really be the mother of a 5 year old, cause she doesn't even look old enough to drive...sigh, gasp, and is she is believer? Cause we all know how I scare the crap out of non-believers after first meeting me.
So I introduced myself to her, held my breath and goodness she is sweet! Girlfriend is a SISTER! WOOT! Still makes me look like an old fat hefer but we can be friends. :) I hope. Today is our first date. Not much scares me off from being someone's friend, but I go on LOTS of first mommy dates and never get asked out again, so I am guessing that I am hard to take. :) I am chaulking it up to my love of Jesus being a little overwhelming. ;)

101 things to do in 1001 days

2011-03-09T13:01:00.000-08:00

Start Date: March 9, 2011
End Date: December 4, 2013

I read about this challenge on Amanda's blog. Sounded like a pretty good idea to me. The idea is to do 101 things in 1001 days, and these are not things that you normally do...so I didn't get to put down change diapers, or brush my teeth (and everyone else's teeth). It has to be something that would be a challenge to you. The hope is that after committing to doing these things that they will eventually become a habit. (Like flossing or praying for my husband while making the bed.)
It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be to come up with 101 things. But here is my list. I will keep it updated and write about the things I am doing during my 1001 days.

101 Things to do in 1001 days:
My Faith
1. pray for my husband daily while making the bed
2. pray for each of my children by name as I tuck them in for nap
3. read the Bible each day
4. make a prayer calendar
5. make an evangelism prayer list of 11 people
6. commit to praying for those 11 people each day for 11 minutes until 11-11-11
7. commit to listening after I pray for God to speak to me
8. finish all unfinished Bible Studies that are hanging around the house
9. have a family verse to memorize each week
10. pray for my church and the leaders of my church on the 11th of every month for a year
My Family
11. practice lowering my voice instead of raising it for one week
12. plan and go on a family vacation
13. spend 15 minutes of individual time with each child every day for a month
14. make and stick to a "date night" with Big T, once a week for 3 months
15. teach my girls how to make their beds properly
16. relax on how perfect beds must be made ;)
17. have a baby
18. paint toenails on the girls once a month as a make-over party
19. potty train my two youngest
My Home
20. clean out the pantry, and organize
21. remove all tupperware that doesn't have a lid from the drawer
22. clean out the toaster crumbs weekly for a month
23. sort through all clothing in our home, and donate anything that isn't being used or will be used.
24. fix holes in winter jackets
25. clean the bathrooms once a week for a year
26. make my room a clutter free zone
27. paint the outside of the house
28. help Big T with landscaping the front yard
29. clean out closets
30. clean out bookshelf
31. clean the kitchen table and chairs
32. print all pictures and organize in computer files
33. get all video off video camera and on to disks
Personal
34. memorize a verse other than the weekly family verse each month
35. get my shoes in check
36. lose baby weight
37. lose baby weight in a healthy way
38. join Celebrate Recovery
39. be accountable and honest to my group about my eating habits
40. tell Big T if I need help before it becomes a crisis
41. get a tattoo ;)
42. paint my toenails every other week for a year
43. go without sweets for a week
44. pick a different week than the no sweets week and go without complaining for a week
45. do a month of magic for Big T
46. keep a prayer journal that I write in weekly
47. write each of my girls a letter on their birthday each year
48. kiss Big T each morning first thing, no matter what the night before was like
49. take off make-up each night with a cleanser, not baby wipes
50. floss daily for a month (the month before my next dentist appt.)
51. put lotion on every day for a month
52. put sunscreen on every time I go to the park this summer (me and the kids)
53. take more pictures of the kids, with the camera, not my phone!
Friends
54. WRITE DOWN prayer requests
55. make a meal for a family once a month for a year
56. sponsor a couple for W2E 2012
57. twice a year send a care package to missionary friends
My Kitchen
58. make one new recipe a week for a month
59. learn to make lasagna
60. once a week for a month allow the girls to assist in making dinner
61. clean out the coffee mugs
Holidays
62. Christmas 2013 is a homemade gift giving Christmas...find ideas
63. find a recipe for Easter cookies that WORKS
64. make chocolate covered strawberries for the kids for Valentine's Day
65. buy food coloring to make green milk for St. Patrick's Day
66. put up the cross in the yard for Christmas and Easter
Finances
67. stick to the budget
68. go one month in 2011 without buying anything unnecessary
69. work in a vehicle payment to the current budget
70. when/if Big T gets a raise, live as if we never got it
71. sponsor another World Vision child
72. tithe more than 10% in 2011, more than 15% in 2012, more than 20% in 2013
73. stop buying coffee and creamers
Fitness
74. run a 10k
75. do the Montana Women's Run each year with my girls
76. do 50 pushups without stopping
77. do 10 unassisted pull ups
78. do the splits
79. work out no more than 1 hour a day 5-6 days a week
80. evangelize at the gym
81. do not become obsessed with my stomach
My Work
82. do laundry Fridays and Mondays, folding and putting it away right after for one month
83. play with the kids’ everyday for at least an hour for a week
84. plan a weekly field trip once a week for the summer months
85. plan and stick to a schedule of what we will do for the day for a week
86. visit the library 4 times in the summer months
87. return library books on time for a year
88. teach the kids the different between skipping, hopping and galloping
My Extended Family
89. call/text my brother once a week for a month
90. remember birthdays and send cards for a year
91. call my mom once a week for a month
92. write thank you notes when family sends me gifts
93. heck, write thank you notes when anyone sends me gifts
94. RSVP (blush, I am terrible at this!)
95. remember my in-laws birthdays
Long Term Goals
96. start the adoption process
97. plan a short term mission that involves our entire family
98. start working on what I want to be when I grow up
99. buy a learn to sign book and start teaching sign language to my kids
100. stop drinking coffee, start drinking tea
101. allow the kids to pick out what they want to wear everyday for a month and encourage creativity

Another birthday?

2011-03-08T11:51:00.000-08:00

Here I am another year older...28. I am the age that Big T was when we first started dating. I remember being my young 19 year old self, and thinking how I hit the jackpot because Big T was so old, mature and RICH! :) I still think I hit the jackpot but my reasons are far more substanial than those old ones. He is still old, and I think he might actually have reversed in his maturity by having all these children, and he is rich, but not the kind of rich I was interested in at 19.
I can't help but look at my life and be in awe. There was a time when I never wanted children. And if I was going to have children it was going to be a boy first, named Hunter and a girl, named Tapanga...(I know, right?!) I would be a SAHM cause they really don't do much, and I would fill my days with playing, soap operas and when the kids went to school...shopping, cause I was going to marry rich. :)
I never thought at 28 I would have 5 kids with a 6th on the way, be a SAHM who does WAY more than play...can't stand soap operas, and the most exciting shopping I do is the grocery store. I am very blessed.
I will not lie, I was a little grumpy on my birthday. Some young chick of 25 called me Ma'am at the store. I almost punched her in the face, but was able to restrain myself. And being pregnant doesn't help the old feeling. I grunt and groan trying to get off the couch, I have to take tums with every meal, and if I laugh too hard I pee myself. My once tight body is now, well...overflowing. Sissy tells me daily that my tummy is getting too big for my clothing and that it is time for that baby to come out. YES, SISTER I FEEL YA!!! She also told me yesterday that she loves my hair because it makes me look like a mom. ouch!
But seriously I wouldn't want to look like anything else but the woman that God made me. A mom. That is my favorite title. I know that some would disagree saying that I have lost my idenity by wrapping it up in my children, and I would argue that they are my biggest blessing and greatest mission field.

Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T12:42:00.000-08:00

I spoke too soon regarding doing this mama gig for free. This morning for Valentine's Day, I was greeted with a kiss, and a card. In the card was a signed blank check from Big T. He wants to give me all his money. What a hunk! And a very cute gift. We shall see what I will do with this check. :) hehe!
Goob, Sissy, and Kay all made me a Valentine's card. So cute, Big T helped them write their names and trace their hands.
The girls are in love with the idea of love, and the simplest things got the biggest raving reviews in the house.
Big T got the girls each a bag of candy, to be specific COTTON CANDY! Goob has been saving all her money for MONTHS to buy a COTTON CANDY maker to keep in the kitchen. :) I told her if she got that then Mama would win the Biggest Loser, or at least qualify as a contestant.
I made each of the girls Valentines with glitter and stickers and those are such cherished peices of paper it's unreal. I love the simplicity of this age, and I pray that we are able to keep them this way for a long time.
In other really awesome news, Big T arranged for us to have a REAL DATE tomorrow night! Woot! Not sure what we are going to do, but I can promise that there will be no kids involved except for the one I can't drop off until June!

A Mama of 5 girls...

2011-02-13T17:53:00.000-08:00

I constantly wonder how it must be to be my husband. Every day he comes in from work and 6 girls are begging for his attention. Of those 6, I get the adoring love of 5 of them.
You know it's a sad fact that after having Sissy, we thought that we didn't want to have any more children. Now, I wonder what in the world we were thinking! I have 5 heads to comb and style every morning, 50 toes to paint, endless kisses and hugs...Could life be better?
We now know that we are having a baby boy. He is in for the ride of his life, and while the placement of 2 of our 5 girls is up in the air, I pray that Baby Boaz knows a life of 5 sisters, and the love that they bring to this house.
Today on facebook I got friended by my old choir teacher. While in HS, I felt that she squashed my dreams of ever being a big star, because I had too much "twang." Eh, it was NY, I was hot-headed, and honestly I do have a lot of "twang." But today when we reconnected, I was reminded of how thankful I am that I never did make it "big." At least not to the world, but in this house the only one who trumps me is Daddy. :) I have found something I am good at, something I love with all my heart, and something I would choose to do for free (wait, I already do it for free!)...I love being a Mama of 5 girls.

Some updates from the girls:

Goob- "Is the baby really that big, or is it just your tummy?" She also thinks I would "totally" win the Biggest Loser. Thanks sweetie!

Sissy- "I want to change my name to Crocodile."

Kay recently asked me if I knew who Jesus was, and if He lives in my heart. She was going to save my sinning soul. :)

Tracker has found a lovie...and it's a pair of Tom's boxer shorts. That girl spend the majority if her day asking me where her Daddy is, and when he is home...tracking him.

Jelly Rolls is officially a crawler. She has some serious mama attachment, and is still all smiles. :)

I am overwhelmed.

2011-01-04T13:35:00.000-08:00

I have been overwhelmed. I have been exhausted. I have been frusterated. I have cried a lot. And this just describes yesterday. In the middle of December we were blessed to recieve two new members of our family. K and Tracker, whose pictures will not be a part of this blog until they bare the last name Grimm. K is 3 and Tracker is 1, and they are just the sweetest little girls you've ever come across, they fit in perfectly with the rest of the Grimm girls. Going from 3 to 5 girls ages 5 and under was just a little overwhelming in itself. But the events that have followed have pushed me to the edge, and thrown me on my knees before God.
The first week we had K and Tracker we found out that they brought a few hundred "friends" into our home with them. Unfortunately, we didn't realize these "friends" were with them until they had been in our home for a few days. We had to irradicate these "friends" which cost us quite a bit of time, energy and money...but through it I was overwhelmed.
After we got that issue handled, we realized that Tracker and Jelly Rolls are both teething, and that is why neither of them are sleeping terribly well. Then I was hit with a series of unfortunate but not serious medical issues. And through this I was overwhelmed.
The unfortunate occurance of this household are not what is overwhelming me. It's the love that has been poured into our lives. I want to just take a few minutes to personally thank those who have poured into our lives when we needed it the most. *When I initially wrote this post, I named out each individual, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that would just embarrassed most of the people that helped us.*
One couple we know have offered prayer, medical advice, childcare, meals and a listening ear when I have needed to vent. I am overwhelmed.
A gal from our church and her crew- OFFERED to watch all 5 girls so that Tom and I could go out on a date, and get the last of our Christmas shopping done. She also offered to come pick "friends" out of the girls hair, when I thought NO ONE would want to even be around us. I am overwhelmed.
A girlfriend -Watched 3 of the Grimm girls while the other 2 sat in "friend" ridding shampoo for 9 hours. She changed her plans to help. I am overwhelmed.
My mother in law-has committed to taking Goob to school 5 days a week, so I don't have to load up the rest of the troops that early in the morning. I am overwhelmed.
My own mother- who has listened to me laugh like a lunatic through all this, and continued to encourage and pray for our family. I am overwhelmed.
I am overwhelmed by the countless people and far too many to list but none the less just as important who have texted or emailed me or posted on facebook, telling me they are praying for our family or just leaving a note of encouragement. The Christmas gifts that poured into our home for the new arrivals. The calls from our church family just to check on us, and ask us if they can help in any way. I am overwhelmed.
I can't thank each and every one of you enough. I am speechless by the love that has been given to us, and we pray that it is given back to you tenfold.
When I have wanted to throw in the towel and scream ENOUGH! I can't take another second, I remember the team of people that are behind us. Tom and I know now it truely takes a village to raise a child (or 5) and we are so thankful for our "village." We love you all.

What were you for Halloween?

2010-11-02T07:50:00.001-07:00

This year was a different kind of Halloween at the Grimm house. I presented the idea to our church to do something called 'Trunk or Treat' for the church and the surrounding neighborhoods. I was a little nervous at one the support of the church population (which was amazing and I never should have worried about that!) and the turnout as a whole. I must say that for our first 'Trunk or Treat' it turned out amazing! I passed out easily over 600 pieces of candy and a few hundred tracts! Yay for outreach to our community!
Costumes were another thing at the Grimm house that was different this year. Usually I decide what everyone is going to be and then I spend the entire day on Halloween trying to convince Goob or Sissy that they really do want to be a strawberry! This year I made them some black and orange tulle skirts, which they promptly told me that they didn't like them because they are too itchy, so I said "not it" when it comes to costumes, you are in charge of yourself.
They needed costumes to dress up for Cubbies a few days before Halloween. I asked Goob what she was going to be. She looked at me matter of factly and told me "Perpetua." She got a baby doll and wrapped herself and the baby in a scarf. TaDa! She is a Christain Martyr! Only Goob! I loved it.
Sissy on the other hand got mad at the scarf and declared she wasn't going to be anyone, that she had no name for Halloween. :) That's our spunky Sister!
Now Halloween day we had to be at the church by 5pm. At 4:45 I got the wild hair to turn a cardboard box into an oven with a door that opens to show a bun baking in it. big t dressed as a Lifegaurd which was really cute, using destitin for sunscreen on his face..ewww! Goob dressed herself as herself but somehow during the night lost her pants and started wearing a blanket wrapped around her like a skirt. Sissy dressed as a princess complete with attitude to spare, and Happy was a pumpkin. We had a blast.
We decided that next year we want to do a theme of Dad as the Shepard and us as the sheep. ;)

My 1st Annual Mama time retreat...

2010-10-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

Last Thurday HappyGirl and I got on a plane to El Paso, Texas. This is the first extended trip for Happy and she lived up to her name. Circumstances do not sway this child's delight in life. She flirted with everyone who laid eyes on her, and I heard more than once, "Is she always this happy?" Yes, she is. Strange, but a true blessing for a maxed out mama.
I had the most wonderful time not having to do laundry, dishes, meal planning or spanking. I got to spend time with my mama, and time with Happy. I've decided this needs to be an annual retreat to which Big T has already agreed. Silly man...maybe my mama would want to meet me in the Bahamas next year. ;)
My prayer before I even set foot on the plane was to glorify God in everyway, and I asked that he challenge me, and give me an oppurtunity to share about Him on the plane. Our God is so faithful! On the plane to El Paso, I sat next to a devoted buddhist and one the way back from El Paso, I sat next to a professor of ethics and phlosophy and phenomiology. WOW...Jesus...WOW! Challenge me He did.

My Father's Girl

2010-10-19T16:29:00.000-07:00

As I left the doctor's office today, I was wondering who I was going to call first to tell them my news. I finally have a due date! June 2nd. As I was pondering who to call first since my obvious first choice was sick downstairs, my phone rang. I didn't know the number but decided to answer it anyway.
"Missy Moo?"
"Dad?!"
Now for those who don't know my dad is spending a year abroad in the sandy neither regions that the Army has seen fit to banish him too. My dad is never one to complain in fact I think he was rather excited to get sent to never-never land. I on the other hand wondered how this would effect my relationship with him. You see we already don't talk as much as we should and I didn't have the internet. Long story short, I got a computer and the internet got me, so that I am able to communicate with my dad. But today was a rare phone call. I was delighted.
I only got to talk to him for a few minutes, but that made my dad. I never ever would have described myself as a "daddy's girl" but the older I get the more I realize I am. I desire for my dad to notice me, be proud of me, and just adore me.
I also am seeing this in my daughters. They might want me when they are sick, but it is Daddy who rocks their world. They share things with Daddy that they never share with me.
Something I've realized is my dad can't do enough. I'll never get all the affirmation I want, and I could drain him if I let him try. Cause trust me he tells all the time that he is proud of me, loves me and notices me. But He is human. Humans can not fulfill us like Christ can.
My Heavenly Father delights in me even more than my earthly father (hard to fathom right?!) A really good read on knowing the importance of being a father, or raising girls in general is Dr. James Dobson's Bringing Up Girls. Girls are a special blessing like none other, they need our attention and love. But most of all they need us to point them to Christ. The One who can satisfy.

The desire for authentic relationships...

2010-10-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

There was a time, and it honestly wasn't that long ago, when all my relationships except for my husband existed online. I had many "friends" and thought that my worth was in direct correlation with that number and the number of comments left to me on my blog. God in His quest to be my one and only made it inescapable that I would have to relinquish those Internet relationships in search of authentic ones. I am not saying that the relationships that I had were all fake, but they allowed me to not reach out to other women in my own community. I remember the night that I gave up the Internet entirely, I was shaking in bed and I was sobbing to my husband that I just lost all my friends, and how would I ever deal with that?
It's been amazing how God works. I am involved in Women's Ministry at my church now, and I am part of the Outreach team. I have a host of very authentic relationships that have not one problem telling me the truth. I am so thankful to the hard lessons that I had to learn so that I can be where I am now. Not that I have it all figured out, goodness knows I am far away from that.
Even though I have many real life friends, it's been my hearts desire to be authentic with those relationships. I don't have men friends that I talk to outside of my husband or their wife's presence, for reasons that protect both my brothers and myself, so I will be speaking in general terms about my female relationships. It has been made painstakingly obvious to me that even though we are in the church that many of us are still hiding behind our masks. I am determined to strip off my own mask in hopes that those around me will be willing to be as open and authentic.
I do not have it made, I struggle with reading my Bible, praying and practicing the presence of God just like anyone else. I fight with my husband, get exhausted by my children, pick myself apart in the mirror and fear being alone. I struggle with sin and temptations every single day of my life.
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
So guess what that means?! I am just like everyone else. But through Christ, I am different. I've been given a way to overcome my insecurities, temptations and sins. I call on Him and He is there.
So I promise in this blog to bear it all...ugly and all. It will not be peachy keen here all the time, because my joy has nothing to do with my circumstances and everything to do with my Savior..

Jesus Said...

2010-10-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

Goob accepted Jesus as her Savior last January. Because my husband and I didn't become Christ followers until about 4 years ago, it was kind of hard to us to believe that at 4 years old that she could really believe that Jesus died for her sins and that she was committed to living her life to glorify Him. Oh, Mama of little faith.
Time after time Good has shown us that she has a real and deep relationship with Christ, and I often wonder what gift the Holy Spirit has given to her.
When you accept Christ as your Savior you are given a set of gifts by the Holy Spirit, mine is Faith and Evangelism...Big T's is Wisdom...but I have this strange feeling that my little Goob was given the gift of prophecy. It hasn't been just one or two instances that would make me feel this way...it's time after time. And every time Goob announces something that comes true, she always gives credit to Jesus for telling her these things.
Yesterday I had my doctor's appointment to try and figure out how far along I am with this pregnancy. Just from the "feel" test, I am about 8 weeks along. I will have an ultrasound on Tuesday. I didn't really talk to Goob about any of these things. Randomly at dinner she said "I can't wait to have our baby brother!!" I just looked at Big T and raised my eyebrow. Big T said "Are your hearing this, Jenn? She said to my earlier that Jesus said we are having a baby brother." I asked Goob about it, and she said that when she is really still and quiet Jesus will tell her stuff, and He told her that Mama is having a baby boy.
Now here is the strange part.
We never found out what #3 was, but Goob knew the whole time she was a girl. Goob also knew that a girlfriend of mine was having a boy, before she knew about it. Goob talks to Jesus...and while I want to ask her to ask Jesus stuff, I thought about how really silly that is.
I can talk to Jesus anytime I want too. But the important part of the equation that Goob discribed was the being still and listening to what Jesus has to say to me. Such a wise girl for only 4 years old.

We are back!

2010-10-14T18:14:00.000-07:00

The Grimms are back with a new addition and with another one on the way. Haven't thought of a code name for #3 yet, so we will refer to her as such. :) She was born on May 22, 2010 and we found out that we are expecting another one late in September. So #3 and #4 will be roughly a year apart, give or take...we will find out in my ultrasound when I am due.
What have you missed out on? A TON! But for good reason. We had a foster son for a while and because of the sensitivity of his case I dropped off the face of the internet for good. Can't promise I will be back all the time, but I have missed blogging my random thoughts. :)

RICO lives here

2009-12-27T15:51:00.000-08:00

Let me just tell you that Big T is a good man. Not only does he love Jesus like a real man should, he loves his family passionately. I've really enjoyed him being home for the last 4-5 days. I've gotten to nap, sleep in, change nary a diaper and to top it off the man just did my hair for me. ;) I am blessed!!! He didn't quite understand that white dye will turn everything you touch brown. So I have an awesome streak of brown running across my forhead and some sideburns that Elvis would be jealous of. Nothing a few showers won't fix and you are not hearing me complain. I don't know many men who would strap on those little rubber gloves and give me the spa experiance by massaging my head. God only made one Big T and he's mine. ;)

Merry day after Christmas!

2009-12-26T07:19:00.000-08:00

So it's been a long time. And really my only excuse is that it's a pain in my rear to type out anything longer than a quick comment on my iPod touch.
We've been great. Blessed far beyond what we ever hoped for our lives. Goob is preparing for another little sibling and telling me that she is going to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby. Sissy spends most of her time trying to squish the baby right out of me. It drives her nuts that Mama's lap is getting smaller and smaller. Tom has completed our kitchen and the only thing left on the upstairs is some new carpet but no one is in a hurry for that. He's currently working on Goobs new room downstairs for when the baby comes.
I keep busy with Bible study, women's groups, chasing children, working out and keeping the house presentable. It seems my days fill up rather quickly. I'd really like to get back to blogging more but am making no promises and it would be the first thing to go if I ever feel too busy. ;) anyway, I pray you had a wonderful Christmas. Here's to a new year!

Goob said to Daddy

2009-03-21T14:52:00.000-07:00

Daddy looks at Goob who is showing him her new outfit. He says to Goob "looks like you are missing something."
Goob says "no I am not"
Daddy "yes you need a kiss"
And he flips her upside down to plant a kiss on her cheek.
Goob is huffy when he sets her back down and juts her hip out and states very matter of fact to her Daddy.
"You better respect me!"
Oh man my cheeks burn from laughig at that! What a sassy 3 year old!

season of still

2009-03-20T21:31:00.000-07:00

ah sweet blessed rest. I've been waiting for this season of still for a while. I am very thankful for it. You know there is always a calm before the storm. Or here in Montana 70 degree weather before two feet of snow. LOL. Just thought an update was appropriate. Goob had an allergic reaction to something and we still don't know what. Thank you for all the prayers!

pray for Goob

2009-02-13T12:19:00.000-08:00

She came crying to me yesterday morning because her hands and feet itches so bad she was drawning blood. I thought she was just dry so we put some lotion and band aids on and told her not to scratch. She went about her day normally.
Then this morning she came to me and there was more welts and crying and her hands and feet were very swollen. To the point that she would cry when I put her shoes on.
We went right to the doctor. They don't really seem to know except they think whatever it is could effect her kidneys and liver. They did a urine test and checked her bum. Tomorrow if it spreads they want to do blood work on her. So since leaving we've been praying that it would just go away. She sat down to lunch today and it's spread up her legs and arms. Her face is white as a sheet with red splotches and dark circles where her bright eyes should be.
Please pray for my baby.

I'm back party people!!!

2009-02-12T06:32:00.000-08:00

well not back in the sense that I will write long drawn out posts or even update everyday, but I have the ability to update on us. However pictures on my blog are a thin of the past for a while! Big T was very generous at Christmas time and bought me the iPod touch so if there is wifi then I can be online.
Any rate we are doing great. We moved on January 1 to a new house in town. One that all of us LOVE!!! Goob is still the princess and at all times must look like one. And Sissy well she just as cute as can be. And is sprouting out new words all the time.
Big T and I are finally going ahead with our foster care/adoption classes. They've been educational to say the least. If you get the incling to pray for us in that area of our lives.
Alright Goob just came downstairs in full on princess garb and asked for breakfast!!! A mama must provide especially if you gave birth to royalty.

I just wanted to update!

2008-11-14T19:18:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! The Grimm's are doing well! Just wanted to update and say that we are still alive and kickin'! Thank you for all the prayers! We love you!

It's that time of the week again..

2008-09-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

Jenny is at the library....
Grimm updates for the week. Big T has been working nights, in fact he worked most of the weekend. Which is crap, big ole' piles of crap I say!

Sunday my heart came out of the chest.
We went to church, and I left Sissy (the crazy walker) with Big T and I went with Goob and some other kids into a play area. Big T was chatting it up with the dads and I was chatting it up with the moms. 10 or so minutes later Big T comes into the room holding a baby of one of our friends. Thinking that the mother of that baby must have Sissy I ask him where Sissy is. He looks at me with only the look that Big T can get when he is petrified of telling me what I don't want to hear and says "You are kidding, right?"
Kidding, No.
I run, RUN down the hall, to the front enterance of the church. Thinking a million things, some of which are:
"Surely, kidnappers don't go to church to do their dirty work."
"No one would let a baby out of the building, right?...RIGHT?!!!!"

She isn't there, not wanting to cause I scene, I run to the gym area...
there are at least 100 people in there mixing it up.
Frantic, until I see that little crazy walker, just beebopping along in her super cute white dress...

I could breathe again, but it took me a few hours to come down from the ceiling. Trust me there is going to be some major communication about who is watching what child before I leave anyone with my kids again. ;o)

That was the most major event of the week...the rest of us are still doing our thang...
oh remember that pair of jeans I was stressing about...haha, not even trying to lose weight, eatting icecream every night, but working out with some serious weights during the day...I am wearing them right now.

If you need a GREAT workout program check out The New Rules of Weightlifting for Women! I could kiss the people who wrote it!

Until next time....

7 minutes to go...

2008-08-27T15:38:00.000-07:00

So I came to the library today to do a little research for Big T. And I waited until I was mostly done with it to write a little update on the Grimm Family.
Goob-what can that girl not do now?! She's so full of spice it's unreal.
This last month she:
dumped 5 gallons of water out of her fishtank-causeing the water to leak through her floor into the basement ceiling. Nice...that was a hard one to keep my cool with.
She grabbed a mouse by the tail and was checking it out in the garage while I was unloading Sissy from the car. The mouse was either tettering on deaths door or was already dead, who knows...we both screamed when I realized what she had done. She of course started to cry that I scared her, and I doused that poor child with some antibacterial stuff.
Sissy-
Is a full blown walker. Girl needs to be a the bride of frankinstien with the way she walks. Her hands straight out, and bending her knees is still not something she has been able to understand. It's a riot. And you will have to trust me that you havne't witnessed a real tantrum until you've seen Sissy Grimm not get her way!
Tom and I-
Not much new to report. My parents visited this last week. That was a blast. We hiked up to Lost Lake area. It's beautiful there. Tom got his fill of fishing, and I got to sing praise music in the mountains. Can it get better than that?
I have to say that I am starting to REALLY miss my computer. Tom and I wanted to check out real estate today but couldn't because we don't have access to a computer with internet at the moment, unless one of us stays home with the children. And while I miss it, I know that God in his infinante wisdom deemed this a necessity at least for the time being. And I can't believe how much I've been able to get done around the house. The basement is finished, and I just did up a lesson plan for Sarah for this next month...since her and mom are starting school. Nothing too extravegant...I figure about 15-30 minutes a day of structure is all either of us can handle at the moment.
Thank you for all the prayers and well wishes...I miss everyone SO much it's unreal!!!! Be on the look out for some snail mail to be coming your way! I love me some letter writing!

I know this is going to sound weird...

2008-08-20T14:36:00.000-07:00

and really sudden.
But God has been working a lot in my life lately. I've been told over and over again to purge the things from my life that God calls me to purge, and that sometimes those things are VERY hard to give up. Most of the time they are VERY hard to give up.
So I no longer have the internet at my house. Hence, I will not be updating my blog as often as I would like, seeing as to update it, I have to find a babysitter, and then drive to the librarey. So...I'll be around...and keep praying for me if you think of it!

To tell or not to tell...

2008-08-07T12:57:00.000-07:00

Today I shared something at playgroup that is haunting me, and heck it's only been a couple hours since I said it.
It's not shameful or hurtful to anyone, just not something that I *thought* I wanted to make public knowledge. And pray that the girls I shared it with, keep their yaps shut. ;o)
This morning I specifically prayed that God help me to only speak his words today. This not something I pray often, but I did today. And at the time when I shared it, I knew that what I was about to share was sensative, but needed to be said. I felt good about my decision.
Now I am second guessing myself. Mostly I was scared of bring shame to my family. But when I told Tom what happened, he told me that it is not shameful and that no one would judge me.
So I wonder, is Satan making me doubt my decision to be real with these other moms. They are 4 moms that I trust, and I've seen them twice a week for over a year now, sometimes more than that. Shouldn't I feel safe with my Christian sisters?
A girlfriend of my recently told me that where there are no secrets, there can be no lies, and I've thought about it over and over.
What do you share with your children? When they flat out ask you..."Mom did you do xyz?" What do you say? We teach them not to lie, so I won't. And I know not to share more than I am asked too with me, however...I don't want them to think that I am perfect either. I struggle, and they need to know it.
So anyone have an answer to this? I'd love to hear some opinions.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-08-06T12:38:00.000-07:00

The story of me and Big T

2008-08-05T06:26:00.000-07:00

Big T and I met online. But not your typical Match.com or anything. Big T had just gotten his very first EVER computer back in Oct 2002. It came with free AOL for 6 months, and that boy can't pass up anything free.
I'd just moved to Montana to get out of a really bad relationship, and also had AOL. I don't even know if it's still possible to meet people the way we met. But it used to be that everyone registared with AOL had to fill out a profile, others could look at it, and tell if you were online at that moment.
There was something in my profile about Toasters, and it confused Big T, so he IM'ed me. I was talking to my bestfriend online and was NOT interested in meeting guys, so I moved the mouse to that little X in the corner to click it away, and never talk to him again. But when I got the mouse there, I didn't click it. I just thought, eh-why not? What will it hurt to amuse this guy for a bit?
We chatted and chatted. I gave him my real answers to all of lifes questions, because I was not interested in a relationship, and figured the real me would scare him off. It didn't.
Two weeks after we started talking we decided it was time to meet. I knew I REALLY liked him as a person, we just clicked. But would it be the same when we met? Would we have that chemisty?
As I drove to the resturant to meet him, I caught a glimpse of a guy walking in with a dark jacket on. Silently I prayed to myself, PLEASE let that be him. That guy was HOT!
Hehe...it was!
Even though I still maintain our first date wasn't the best, I knew afterwards that he was the one I was going to marry. He says the same thing. And Big T is not one to make that stuff up...he'd tease me to no end if it wasn't how he truely felt.
What really sealed the deal was our second date. I made the nastiest spagetti for him. Man it was SO gross. But he took a big plateful, and ate it, saying it was so good.
Then about a month later I was REALLY sick. So sick I needed someone to take me to the ER, and I ended up having a spinal tap...I kept crying that I wanted my mom. And he said "I know I am not your mom, but I am here." And held my hand through the whole thing.
He is my bestfriend, and my safe place. I see Christ in him, and we just celebrated 4 years, and I look forward to the rest of our lives together.

Oh. My. Word.

2008-08-04T13:44:00.000-07:00

When we were in Jackson Hole this last weekend. Big T told Goob to get her shoes on so that she could go with him to load up the truck. He runs outside for a second, and she looks at him even though he was too far away to hear and says "That is BULL CRAP, Dad!"
WHOA-I am just thanking the Lord that we gave up swearing. And thanking Him again that Big T didn't hear Goob say that...cause I would have had to scrap him off the ceiling.

It's a long one...

2008-08-03T13:13:00.000-07:00

A little bit o’ history-
About 2 months after I gave birth to Sissy, a girlfriend of mine did one of the sweetest things ever. She gave me all her jeans that she could no longer wear for various reasons…too long, didn’t like, too big, whatever. Out of the 20 or so pairs that she gave me, one fit. And they fit so well that even though they are much too short on me, I wear them with the legs flipped up to make them Capri-ish looking. For the life of me I’d never seen the brand, but knew that I must find some of these jeans because they fit SO well they were worth whatever price tag was attached to them.
After some research I found that they are BKE brand, which is a brand sold exclusively at The Buckle stores. Apparently this is their store brand, and since I’ve always thought of myself as much to fat, and much too uncool to shop at The Buckle, I wasn’t aware of this brand.
A few weeks ago, I run into The Buckle, try a few pairs on, just to figure out what size I am. Big T and the girls were waiting for me, and since to me it looked like they had at least a few hundred pairs of jeans, I didn’t shop for style, just size. The size I decide on with some help from a very nice shop girl was 29 xl or xxl…who knew that you could get jeans in extra-extra long, so long that this 5’9” girl would never need them to be that long. Sweet glory! I think I’ve fallen in love with some jeans. I thank the girl and off I go.
Being the thrifty shopper that I am, I get on Ebay.com and look for some of these BKE jeans. I find me some 29 xl jeans, in a style and color that I like, and win that bid. I am so excited about owning and wearing this pair of jeans I can hardly contain myself. They only cost me $34…when at the store they would have been $66!
I get this pair of jeans in the mail, and go to immediately try them on. Sure that I will love them. And I am sorely disappointed. They are tighter than I like my jeans. They are not TOO tight by any stretch of the imagination, but I am a firm NO GOOCH girl…I like my jeans to be roomy, and these are not roomy. My initial reaction is to lose 5lbs so that I can wear these jeans.
Well, it’s time for confession…I am at my lowest weight, and if I were to lose ANY more weight I would be severely unhealthy, in my method of doing so, and just physically unhealthy. So after much pouting, I rule out losing weight. I decide I will sell back this pair of jeans, and just go to the store, and pay $66 for my perfect pair of jeans.

Which brings me to today…
I only have Sissy with me today, since Goob and Big T are out fishing. Sissy is super easy to manage, so I decide we should go try on some jeans.
I walk into The Buckle, already feeling pretty out of sorts…all the girls in that store are under 5’7” and probably weight 100lbs after they eat a big meal, are dripping wet from the shower, and haven’t pooped in 5 days…but I digress…
This very attractive gentleman comes up to me, and looks me up and down…at which point I start to overheat and blush. He was pretty obvious about it, and I am flattered. HAHA, until he asks me what size I am wearing these days, and I figure out he works there. I tell him I am a 30 xl and I am looking for a new pair of jeans. He very kindly goes around the store, and pulls about 7 pairs of jeans for me to try on. They are all too big. He comes back to my dressing room, and asks how I am doing, and if he can help me with anything. I open the door, and tell him that they are all too big and I happen to be wearing a pair. He looks me up and down again, nods and says he will be back.
Again he comes back with about 4 pairs of jeans in 29 xl, but again, none of them work. They all fit perfectly, but the whole reason I am out looking for a pair of jeans is because we are doing family pictures. All the jeans he brought me are VERY well worn, some with holes. Sorry, but I am not a fan of paying $94 for a pair of jeans with HOLES in them. I don’t care if it is the style. I will wear them out myself.
I thank him profusely for his help, tell him my little dilemma, and then explain that I will just look around a bit.
While I am looking around a few more sales people come up to help me, but I explain that I’ve already been helped. I do find another pair of jeans that I think is going to work, they are 29 xl and they are TOO tight. WTC?! What is going on that all the jeans fit so differently when they are the same brand, and style, just different colors?!
At this point another shop girl comes up to me, and I ask her this question. She explains that it’s just the different styles, which still makes no sense to me. And the gentlemen who helped me the first time comes up. He says rather rudely, “You’ve tried on everything we have, there is nothing else for you to try on.” The shop girl laughs nervously, and I am rather taken aback. I was so nice to him, and thanked him for his help, and now he’s rude?!
I replied that I will just have to find what I am looking for somewhere else, and he agrees. I leave the store in tears.
So let’s recap…
I didn’t ever go into The Buckle because
-I felt fat
-I felt uncool
-And the shop people are intimidating

I won’t ever go into The Buckle again because
-They make me confused
-I still feel fat.
-The gentlemen who is only one of the shop people at this store, is RUDE.

Let me just explain something to this 20 something gentlemen who works at The Buckle, I work my ass off for this body. I have two babies, and the flattest stomach YOU will ever see while working at The Buckle in this city. I am not going to settle for a pair of jeans, I am going to get exactly what I want because I am worth it. I am sorry that doing your job was frusterating, and I am sorry that I did not just buy every pair you brought me because you were showing me some kind of attention. But I am very happily married to a MAN, who would never dream of being as rude as you were.
And you can bet your bootstraps that I will be going into The Buckle only one more time in my life. And that sir, will be to find out your name, so I can make a complaint. So suck on that for a bit.

Sissy's words and Goob's first prayer...

2008-07-30T07:22:00.000-07:00

Words Sissy can say at 1 year:
Hi
Dada
Mimi (Mama)
Arah (Sarah)
Ashi (Sasha)
Thank You
Peek-a-boo

If you say Ready, Set...Sissy says "Go!"
If you ask her what a duckie says, Sissy says "Quack, quack, quack!"

The girl is weighting in at 19lbs 4oz...so no facing forward in her carseat for another month or so! She is 29.5 inches long! That makes her 25% for weight, and 75% for height. She's just a peanut compaired to Goob!

Yesterday we got to the gym, and the regular daycare worker was sick. Goob was pretty perplexed by this, and when Big T got home for lunch, she told him about it. He suggested that Goob pray for Miss. B...this is Goob's prayer that she said all by herself!

Dear God,
Thank you for Miss. Brittney.
Miss Brittney is sick.
Miss Brittney is better.
Amen.

How sweet is that?!

Hanging out at the Hargis Cabin

2008-07-29T07:02:00.000-07:00

Is what we did this weekend. Grammie got a wild hair that the cabin needed a new fridge, not because the old one wasn't doing it's duty, but because mice had at one time run through it. I don't know anyone brave enough to argue with Grammie (except for over who pays the bill at the end of a meal-even I will ask her to step outside with me if she tries to pay.)
We invited Bug's family (see Sissy's birthday in pictures to know who Bug is) to go with us. Bug's Mama and I are good friend, Both Big T in our family and T-Bone in theirs get along well, Their 3 year old and my 2 1/2 year old like to bar fight, and then hug on each other, and well Bug and Sissy are just about as cute and easy as can be.
So the boys drove us out there, and the first thing that happens is Goob has an accident. Apparently asking her to "hold it" on a gravel road isn't going to happen...even if she repeats "holding it, holding it, holding it..." until she is about to turn purple. Poor thing, at least she tried.
We walk in, and Big T has the duty to check all mouse traps, low and behold, we got one! (insert mega barf here) GROSS!!!!
The rest of the weekend was filled with fishing, breaking up said bar fights, and Bug's Mama and I planning how we are going to get repaid for having to deal with all four children for 4 hours stretchs while the menfolk were out fishing.
It was a great weekend. We are very blessed to be able to use the Hargis Cabin...so big shout out to Grammie (who will never read this, since turning on her computer does not interest her at all.) and to Papa (who also won't read this, because he will not support my blogging addiction-love you dad!)
And just cause...a picture of me and Big T...anyone else think I could use a brow lift? *hmmm*

Sissy's Birthday in Pictures!

2008-07-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

The breakfast of 1 year old champions...Sissy's first raisans!!!

Photoshoot with Mama!

Getting ready to blow out the candles...I mean candle.

"You mean ALL this is mine?!"

A girl loves her some cake!

Sissy spent her birthday with her bestfriend, Bug!

Goob's gift to Sissy...and Sissy's FAVORITE gift...a new ball.

Bug's Mama is about as hip a mama as there ever was, and got Sissy her first pair of kicks.

How cute are these shoes? And foot and hand?! See Kai Run is the brand! CUTE!

Happy Birthday Sissy!!!

2008-07-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Sweet Little Sister,
Oh my dear child, I can not believe you are already a year old! This morning we snuggled in bed and nursed for the last time. Tears sprang to my eyes when I remembered nursing you for the first time. Your tiny little body all tucked up perfectly into my sides. Now, you fight me to look around while you nurse, and you hate when Daddy gets in your way.
I remember thinking that there was no way I could love another child like I loved Sarah already. Oh, how you proved me wrong. I didn’t know that I could love as much as I love the both of you. You make me stronger, and better.
Girl, this first year has just been a sign of the things to come. Your Sister likes to manhandle you, but she just loves you so much. She really just wants to play with you, and for you to want to play with her. You’ve been such an easy baby. You are so content to just sit and play, and you love to look around and make sure that I am watching you, as you just sit there.
My prayer for you dear little Sister, is that you know how much you are loved. God blessed me with you, and you are so wanted. I know that the years to come will not be as easy (and cuddly) as this last year have been. But I am here for all the good and the bad, my sweet child. You can always lean into me, and I will be your safe place. And when I don’t have the words to speak for you, or the touch to heal you, we will pray together. Our God is so good my child, you are proof of that.
Love
Mama

On the move...

2008-07-22T15:31:00.001-07:00

So it would be no surprise to the people at my gym to find out that I listen to praise music while I run. I've been known the throw my hands up at any moment, or fall to my knees and praise Jesus. They all keep their distance and smile at me, I am sure thinking to themselves that I am a complete nutcase...BUT *I* have a great time at the gym. I really enjoy my workout/praise time.
Today I got really into it. I mean REALLY into it. After reading some blogs this morning my girlfriend CM got me a little motivated to kick some serious butt at the gym. I decided I was going to run 3 miles today since this is my *off* week (as in I am supposed to be resting to get ready for my next phase of weightlifting.) but I get to 3 miles and feel pretty good. I hit 3 1/2 miles and decide that I am spent, but not more than 10 seconds after feeling spent a GREAT praise song comes on. So I kick up my speed to 7 mph and jam out till I hit 4 miles. I hit 4 miles AND the chorus of the song at the same time. I leap into the air, throw my hands up, and completely forget I am on a treadmill, until I hit it again, and realize I probably now have gym security notified. Ah, sweet Jesus, how you move me!
And if that isn't embarrassing enough...I realize about 3/10ths of a mile into my run that my bra isn't very supportive today. But only on the right side...little sneaky right boob has completely fallen out of my bra, and happily dances on its down as I am running. Sweet. Goodness. This is embarrassing. But I as non-chalantly as I can grab my rouge boobie, stuff it back in it's place and keep running.
That bra will not make it into the wash...no that bra will be sleeping in the garbage tonight.

Grimms got ghetto fishing...

2008-07-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

Big T informed me that this is really redneck fishing, but ghetto sounds better with Grimm. Apparently this lake is stocked with fish, even GOLDFISH! For the kiddies to catch! Goob

Goob loves her some worms. "Awe, they are so cute!" Mama has a hard time not saying "Gross!!!" But Daddy has asked her to restrain herself, so that Goob can still enjoy them. But seriously! GROSS!!!

Goob caught this fish ALL BY HERSELF!!! Seriously!!! Big T had run back to the car for something, and Goob and I were just sitting there. She announced to me that she caught a fish, and started to reel her line back in. I told her she didn't catch one, but she said "Yahuh Mama, LOOK!" Low and behold...she caught herself a 3 inch fish. But like a true fisherman, if you ask her about her fish she will tell you it was "HUGE!!!!"

The last fish of the day. Proud Daddy and his little fisherwoman!

Mighty Hands at Work

2008-07-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

Something big is about to happen in the Grimm house. And for the life of me, I am not sure what. Big T hasn't been sleeping well for about a week now, then last night Sissy and I couldn't sleep either.
Honestly it didn't even strike me until this morning that God and I need to get into a one on one conversation about what his plans are for this house. And I think that Big T needs to be in on this little conversation.
Some things have recently come up in Big T's work life that could drastically change our home life...
And while I've spend all this time stressing over how it is going to effect me and the girls, I never stopped to think about how good our God is.
I found a verse on the page of this picture of Sissy and I reading the Bible that really struck me today.
The Lord said "Surely I will deliver you for a good purpose..." Jeremiah 14:11

I'll be honest, I just wanted a picture of Sissy's chubby little hands holding onto the Bible, I snapped this picture a month ago, and haven't thought much about it since. I just flipped the Bible open to a random page, and remember thinking, "Man, I should have put it on a page that would mean something to me."

There are mighty hands at work in our lives right this moment, and I will be excited to share with you what they have planned if I am allowed too.

Oh and btw, THANKS FOR MY COMMENTS!!!

I love comments...

2008-07-17T06:52:00.000-07:00

A few random things for this fine Thursday morning!
-I added a blog tracker about a week ago, so I see you. I see that people read me, and don't comment. Which is cool but I DO LOVE COMMENTS! So if you have the time, comment please!
-From this blog tracker I realized two things. 1. I love being on Trina's blogroll. 2. The title of my post is in direct corrilations with how many hits I get that day. The "This is for my boobies" post got a record number of hits. ;o)
-Goob is MUCH too young to sit through Wall e. Which it was a cute movie with a great message, I don't think she got most of it, and had more fun playing with the arm rests of the movie theater.
-Goob misses Sissy when she isn't around. After our date last night she wanted to go in and see Sissy before she went to bed. If you think about it, they are apart less than I am away from them.
-I joined the world of real womanhood after 20 months and 25 days off due to breastfeeding. (thumbsdown)
-I have 6 more days of breastfeeding. (thumbsup that I made it this long!)
-Things I always do when I get online:
check email.
check Mamatalk.
roll through the blogs I read.
finish up by gazing at my blog, cause my kids are so sweet.

Alright guess I should start my day!

Oh, Goob...

2008-07-16T06:36:00.000-07:00

This child really tested me yesterday. Lord, help me I love her so much, but sometimes when you come out of the shower to see that she has emptied an entire bottle of lotion onto her leg you just don't know what to do. So I laughed, and took a picture.
I guess it's my fault. I've been training Goob to rub lotion on my back at the pool (sunblock) and then she rubs her daddy's feet with lotion when he gets home from work. (She's done this once, and loved just smearing the lotion everywhere.) So I guess she decided that it was her turn for some lotion.
I come into the room and see this mess...she just looks at me and says "It won't rub in Mama." Poor thing.
Later in the day I was in the back bedroom for not more than a few minutes and I come out to her standing on our loveseat. I just watch her for a minute to see what she is planning to do. She jumps from the loveseat onto the coffee table landing feet first, sticking the landing and throwing her arms back like an Olympic gymnast. As extremely impressed by this as I was, I still reprimanded her for doing it. Saying that it was dangerous. To which she replyed "My daddy showed me how to do this." I said "Oh yeah, well would you like me to call Daddy right now and ask him if he said this was okay to do?" "No, mama" as she hid her face in the couch.
Later last night I was reenacting what Goob had done, and how impressed I was by her landing. Tom sheepishly admitted that he sometimes does this, and she *might* have seen him do it, and think it was okay. Then he goes on to say "That kid has a mind like a steel trap." DUH!!!!!
My computer is acting like it's going to choke and die, so I will post pictures of the cheeky monker named Sissy next time I get on. Girlfriend was showin us some cheeks last night. Super cute!

As promised-Sissy's peekaboo show...

"This is for my boobies."

2008-07-15T06:29:00.001-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

My big news

2008-07-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

Sister's 1st birthday is coming up, and while that makes me sad, it makes me happy that I only have 9 days left of breastfeeding. ;) And sad that for an entire year I've never been away from Sissy (or Goob) for more than a few hours at a time.
Last week I was having a pity party about this little trivia fact. Feeling sorry for myself that Big T gets to go golf, work in the garden, use the bathroom, without ever having to 1. tell anyone, and 2. worry about the girls. So last week he sprung it on me.
He is sending me on vacation in September. When he told me about this, he told me to pick anywhere I would like to go, and I can do it. ALONE! So after much negoitiating I got it so that my bestfriend (who happens to live in Rhode Island) could meet me kid free, in Florida to meet up with another one of our mutual friends. I can not even begin to tell you how excited I am about this. 5 whole days alone. No diapers, no "mommy I'm done.", no dishes, no laundry, no nothing.
And while part of me feels a little bit bad about being so happy about this, the other part of me knows that I am going to desperately miss my family and be ready to come home to them after 5 days, and that said 5 days off is going to make me a better, more recharged mommy. PLUS, I will be able to collect some sand to replace the sand that Goob dumped out a few weeks ago.
YAY!!!
And just a picture of me and the girls, cause we had extra time this Sunday before we went to church (how that happened I am not sure!).

Painted nails

2008-07-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a long, long time since I've been able to have my hands finely manicured and my toes looking like they belong in sandels. But I've done it. 3 weeks and counting now I've had my nails done. I think that most moms would know this is not an easy feat, especially since our hands are in water so much of the time. If it isn't washing dishes, it's washing my hands cause I just changed a diaper, wiped a booger, or swiped who knows what out of Sister's mouth.
I realized that the last time my nails have been looking this good was approximately 2.5 years ago, at the birth of Goob. (This is also 50lbs ago, and let's just remember it's been 12 hours of labor when this picture was taken.)

One of my girlfriends recently told me that her husband compaired having your nails (or toes) done to having your car detailed. If that's the way a man needs to think about it then so be it...I just love it.

Meet Baby

2008-07-09T06:28:00.000-07:00

I've spoken of Baby in previous posts, but thought it was time to introduce everyone in blogger world to Sissy's "baby."
Everyone in the Grimm house knows what I mean when I say to find Baby. And Sister knows that all she has to do is say Baby and someone will go running around searching for this beloved lamb. Sister uses Baby as her lovie when Mama isn't around. So she doesn't take Baby with her to stores, or even get to play with Baby much during the day...but Baby does go with us when I have to leave her in a strange place to her (like nursury or gym daycare). And Baby is always waiting for her when it's time for nap or bedtime.
The love that Sister has for Baby is rather adorable. She says "baby, baby" over and over, and then attacks Baby with big, open mouth, slobbery kisses. Baby has to be washed once a week because she starts to turn greyish and stink like slobber if I don't wash her.
Big T asked when I was taking pictures of Baby why I was taking them. I told him I wanted to remember what Baby looked like before Sister destroys her, and only has one of her little legs to carry around with her. He laughed and said that wouldn't happen, but how many of you have a somewhat distorted from it's original form lovie that lives in your house?
Goob has her thumb, and heck the way she sucks that thing it even looks distorted. So who knows what will happen to Baby.
And just cause...here's a picture of my real baby, and my biggest baby.

More tales from the Goob

2008-07-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't want to start out a mundane Monday morning with some fun Goob stories?
Big T has been announcing the fact that he has chocolate hidden away for me when I *really* need it. It's probably been a good month that he's been flaunting this little fact.
A few days ago, I am getting ice out of the icemaker on the door of the fridge and Goob is standing their watching me. Out tumbles a full size snickers bar into my glass. Goob looks wide-eyed at it, and asks me what it is. Knowing that we are about to eat lunch I don't want to tell her that it's chocolate or candy, so I just tell her it's a turd. Hey, it was the first thing that came to me...I gotta do spur of the moment thinking!
After we finish our lunch Goob asks if she can have some dessert. I tell her no because she didn't eat a very good lunch. She asks if I am going to have any dessert, and I tell her yes, because I ate all my lunch. Then she looks at me, with only the wonder of a Goober liker her and says "You gonna eat that turd for dessert?"

HAHAHAHAHAHA...I need to be more careful what I say to her!

Then this morning she didn't have a very good time at the gym kids room. Apparently she wasn't a good listener, but she did announce to Miss. B who watches her that when she grows up she is going to have big boobies.

Lord, help me now!

She got this expression from the exact same lunch as the turd episode...she told me that she wanted big boobies to feed her real babies with. I told her that when she was grown up she would have them. I didn't know she would repeat this to Miss. B or Lord only knows who else! Cripes!

"Thank you Dad for making me happy."

2008-07-06T14:18:00.000-07:00

Goob woke up at 5am this morning. Big T and I were not prepared to wake up at early since we stayed up till 11pm looking at new front loading washers and dryers...exciting I know. Big T takes one for the team and gets up with her.
I finally get up around 8am, since Sissy needed to nurse. After I finish nursing Sister I hand her off to Big T, and walk into the kitchen to make some coffee. As I am preparing my coffee this is the conversation that takes place.
Let me set the scene...
Big T has Sissy on his lap at the kitchen table and he is reading the newspaper.
Goob is playing playdough at the kitchen table.
Sissy is holding onto Goob's rolling pin for her playdough.

Goob "I want that back." (Meaning the rolling pin.)
Big T "Ask if Sissy will trade you."
Goob "Sissy wanna trade?"
Big T must have traded something with Sissy because this is the next thing I hear....
Goob "Thank you Dad for making me happy."

How sweet is that child? And I am always in awe of what a good father Big T is. The pictures on today's post are from where I left off yesterday. Goob wanted to show me the crown that Big T made for her out of the flowers in her garden. Enjoy!

Happy 4th of July!!!

2008-07-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

Family photos are a rare thing in the Grimm household. It's not often that all of us are looking at the camera at the same time. So here is the only one from yesterday with all of us in the picture and looking at the camera!
We had a great 4th of July even without fireworks.
The organization that usually funds the City display of fireworks decided to donate that $40,000 or so to the Montana Meth Project, can't hardly complain about that now can we? Makes 20 minutes of fireworks seem ridiculous when you learn how much it cost to put on! So I am thankful that the Tavern association found a great way to use the money this year.
It was a mostly normal day for the Grimm girls. Got up and went to the gym, started phase 2 of my weight lifting program...oh my mother am I in pain today. But it's a good pain...when I finish my phases I will post pictures, maybe I will be super buff by then. ROFL
Then we came home and got ready for the day. Big T was roofing one of our rentals on the hottest day of the week, poor guy! But it didn't take him very long at all. He was home in time for lunch, and after lunch we hit the pool. Grimm girls love us the pool, especially when Daddy comes!
Then it was naps for all. Gotta love a good nap.
We went to a BBQ at a local church, that had some bouncy things for the kids to play in. Goob had a great time at that, bought a slurpee and came home. Easy, relaxing day! I couldn't ask for anything more.
Sissy woke up around midnight because of some fireworks, and insisted on nursing before she would go back to sleep. This kid will never be wheened off me, but I am not rushing it. I've only got 18 more days of nursing her, and then I will have made it an entire year. Praise the Lord!!! It's gone by so fast!
More pictures to come when I have more time, Goob and Big T are on their way downstairs to show me something they got from the garden.

12 miles later...

2008-07-03T12:39:00.000-07:00

Yeesh! I finally made it to playgroup this morning. What a trek! I decided since I live *maybe* a mile away from the park that playgroup is at, that today the Grimm girls would ride their bike.
Let’s not forget that Monday thru Friday I work out like a nut at the gym, so I’ve already logged 3 miles and some weights this morning.
I get us all loaded, sunscreen on all of us, and off we go…
Only to realize that the way I go by car to playgroup is not a way I would want to ride my bike and take my children, because the traffic is unreal.
So I go through back streets, get lost a few times, hit a few dead ends and 30 minutes later make it to playgroup…I am drenched with sweat, thanking the good Lord I had the common sense to wait until after this little excursion to take my shower.
Goob plays for 30 minutes and announces that she is ready to go home. Sissy has tasted every rock covered in cat pee that is at this park, making me gag. So I load them back in the bike cart and we make our way home…which took me about 14 minutes, not bad, for a mile while I am dragging along 50 extra pounds.
In other news…
My neighborhood is turning into the ghetto since the pool opened up. I had someone *break* into my car and steal about $8 and leave my cds all over the place (go figure they wouldn’t want to steal some praise and worship music, might have done them some good.) and leave an unsmoked cigarette in my car. Nice, really classy. Whoever you are, I prayed for you.
Then this morning we wake up to my neighbor across the street having his trees TP-ed and someone spelled out a not-so-nice word on the curb in ketsup. Again, I prayed for you, and the Grimm girls helped clean up all that toilet paper. Goob wanted to know if there was a potty in Mr. Rick’s yard, and that’s why there was so much toilet paper in it. I love the way that kids mind works!

Gym Rule #1

2008-07-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

I did the unspeakable at the gym this morning.
It’s been a conversation that I’ve had with a few people…if you see someone about to kill themselves at the gym do you tell them?
General consensus is no, you let them die.
I on the other hand would have LOVED one of the five guys that watched me throw my back out on a dead lift to have helped me with my form.
Yesterday I watched some guy do the exact same thing I did with the dead lift, I told my husband “there is no way he’s going to be at the gym tomorrow because I guarantee he hurt himself.” But who am I to help him, or give him pointers?
Well this morning I was doing the Precor…I was about 20 minutes into it, starting to feel the burn and praise Jesus for my strength. Two gals I haven’t seen before at that time of the morning in the gym, got on the two Precor machines next to me. About 2 minutes into it, they start to make some awful groaning sounds, and start to lean into their machines, resting their weight on the machine (not proper form). I look over and they have it set at 10 incline and 8 intensity…something this girl does, but I feel I am a seasoned Precor user…it takes some time to build up to that.
I casually take off my earpiece, and look over at the ladies, and ask if they’ve ever used the machines before. They smile and say no, that today is their very first day at the gym. I said “Well, if you don’t want to kill yourself your very first day, I would adjust your setting on the machine.” They give me this blank stare, like they don’t know where or how to adjust their machine. So I show them…they look instantly relieved…
I start to put my earpiece back in and think…ugg, I just broke gym rule number 1…watch others die no matter what, even if you can save them from hurting themselves…so I look over and apologize for stepping over a line. They sweetly tell me that they are thankful that I helped them, and continue on with their work out.
So if you go to my gym, and you see me about to kill myself doing something, help me. Don’t let me die…I want advice. For crying out loud I carry a book with me around the gym to look at diagrams of form!

Know Jesus, No Regrets

2008-06-30T14:08:00.000-07:00

My brother came into town over the weekend, and asked if Big T and I would like to get out of the house on a hot date without our children. You know we jumped on that chance of a lifetime. Earlier in the day, a girlfriend called me to tell me about a speaker that was coming to her church. She said it was really good and I shouldn’t miss it.
Robert Rogers gave his testimony…you can check it out here. It was really moving, and right afterwards, instead of that *hot date* I wanted to get home and hug my babies, and thank the Lord for the gifts he gave me.
During his testimony I started to think about the things I’ve been dealt in my life…my stack of cards. It’s been a rather rough deal, but not nearly as rough as it could have been. I’ve been blessed by moving away from many of my “problems.” But something my husband and I often talk about is that when you have the same problem where-ever you go, it’s time to stop pointing the finger at others…that problem follows you, because it is you.
My life before Jesus is full of regrets. I am still saddened by some of the things I did, lies I told, and people I hurt. And while I’ve moved away from all those people, I can’t move away from myself. That girl isn’t who I am anymore, but I would be a fool to forget her. I know Jesus now, and I know that I am living a life of no regrets, now. It’s sad that it took me 22 years to get on that choo-choo train, but I am here and that’s what matters right?

What could be a sweeter gift?

2008-06-26T06:50:00.000-07:00

Just to compair sweet baby feet...the ones above are Sissy's from a few nights ago...and the one's below are Goobs from *sigh* years ago...

Big T and I have been collecting sand from different places we travel. It's fun and we like to display them in little jars with tags on them. It's interesting how different SAND is from different places. I keep them on a shelf above the sofa...are you seeing where this is going?

I came up from putting in a load of laundry and doing the dishes, to see Goob playing with something. I asked her what she was playing with, and she told me "dog food."
Nope, it was our sand from Orlando, Florida and Mississippi...all over my couch! All I could do was laugh...I mean this is what happens when I leave Goob unattended for any amount of time. I should know better really.

When I asked her to pose for this picture, she was really proud of herself. Mostly I think she was happy with the fact that she didn't get a spankin'...kids will be kids. And a blessing she is.

So if you living in Florida or Mississippi...could I trouble you for some replacement sand? Since travel is not in our near future!

So what's the deal?

2008-06-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the prayers and concern with my throat. It's starting to finally feel a little better. Sarah is the most concerned of all since this sore throat meant that Mommy couldn't share any bites or sips of anything with her. Poor thing.
I've felt like a big ole' complainer here the last month.
First it was my feet that were hurting badly from overuse at the gym.
Then my throat...
Now my back.
Seriously what's the deal? I think I am being sent a message. To relax and enjoy what I have in front of me right now, instead of depriving myself from food and fun, so that I can workout like a feind. I just want my body to feel good, at this point. I could care less what it looks like.
So I need to be thankful in all things. For God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his good purpose. I KNOW that this pain I am experiancing is just a flash in the pan of eternity. It's so easy for me to get wrapped up in the pain, how it effects everything I do...but I want to focus on the good. I can walk, I can see, I can hold my girls. I am blessed far beyond what I deserve. That is the deal.

I feel silly asking the WWW this

2008-06-22T06:10:00.000-07:00

But this is day 5 of feeling like I've swallowed broken glass. My glands are SO swollen, and my neck is stiff to turn.
I went into the doc for a strep test and that came back negative. I haven't kissed my babies in 5 days. :crying: :crying: :crying:
They gave me some litocain for the pain, but when you swallow it, it is passed on through breastfeeding, and will slow down Sissy's heart rate, so I only use it at night when I know I am not going to nurse. The rest of the day is almost unbearable.
The killer is that I have NO other cold symptoms. Last Thursday when I got this sore throat, I thought, oh no biggie...one day is all it usually lasts till it turns into a head cold. But, no...severe throat pain.
On a scale from 1-10 I would give this a 9...10 being having my head cut off.
I haven't eatten anything but popcycles, icecream, chicken noodle soup and water for the last 5 days, I am SO hungry, but I cry thinking about swallowing.
I've lost 4lbs, but would kill to have that 4lbs back if I could just feel better.
So if you could pray for me. I would love it.

Goob is a riot

2008-06-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

The last three days I've been terribly sick. It's unbelievbly hot in this house since don't have AC, and when Big T did put in the window unit, I was still getting hot and cold flashes.
Hence the reason I've been walking around in my skivvies.
Goob comes up to me, while I am laying on the couch looking pathetic. She puts a blanket over me, and tells me "No, show your underpants." What a good girl! We've been telling her that it isn't polite to show your underpants and so she either needs to be a lady when she wears a dress (which is ALL the time) or wear shorts under her dresses. She's opted for shorts.
After she's covered me up, and patted my head and told me "You okay?" She looks at me with the wide eyed wonder of a 2 year old and asks me, "Your underpants hurt in your bottom?"
I told her no.
To which she replied "Underpants hurt in my bottom."
She was very worried that I had a snuggie...but that's just the way mommy's underpants are, they are supposed to go in my bottom.
She sure did brighten up my day!

We've offically changed Sissy's name...

2008-06-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

and more Grimm updates:

-Big T and I did a 5k this last Saturday. It was a BEAUTIFUL day, and a fantastic run! My girlfriend who is a running nut and does marathons ran with us. I had two goals, to finish without walking one step, and to finish under 30 minutes. I did both! I finished in 27 minutes and 30 seconds. Big T was right on my tail the whole way! We were feeling pretty good, since some young kid behind us lost his breakfast right after he crossed the finish line...not only are we old farts, but we beat that kid, and didn't throw up!

-We've decided after a confusing year we are changing Sissy's name...we will just go all southern on her behind and call her by her middle name. Goob's finally cool with this, the transition was hardest on her, but now she's accepted it. Sissy still thinks her real name is Sissy, so it's not a thang to her. Our reasoning behind this is we have good friends with a daughter who has the exact same name, so it's rather confusing since they play together often AND Sissy's never really fit her name. Hence her nickname.

-My parents moved to Texas, and I think they got swallowed up my cockroaches cause I haven't heard from them in almost a week.

-The pool opened, anyone who knows me knows that the G girls are at the pool EVERY day, till the day they shut er' down...we love the pool.

Can't think of anything else, nothing witty today. My back hurts from liftings, so I know I was doing it wrong today! Grrr...

Facestat.com and Cinderella 3

2008-06-09T19:01:00.000-07:00

It was just the girls tonight for dinner. Big T had some meeting to go to, so the Goob, Sissy and I hit the library to get some movies for the week, and some books too. (Hehe-I would feel like a terrible mom if we didn't at least get one book at the library!) Goob and I were pretty excited to see that Cinderella 3 was available. Since we haven't seen this movie, and Goob is convinced that she is a real princess, and her dreams do come true.
We watched that tonight while we ate dinner, and then cuddled on the couch to finish it. I don't want to ruin the movie for those of you who haven't seen it, but as I was watching it I started to think if there was anyone in the world that I would rather look like than myself. I went through a whole list of people...could you imagine being someone else for good? I can't. I mean in the grand scheme of things, I love myself. I am Goob and Sissy's mom and Big T's wife...how would they know me, if I didn't look like I look? I am not saying that I am drop-dead-super-gorgeous, but I am me. Thin hair, big nose, small ears, and freckles...strong arms, strechmarks, flat feet, and straight teeth. My boobies are work horses, they ain't no show ponys anymore...and that's me.
So some of the girls I talk with daily have been brave enough to post their pictures on Facestat.com Have you heard of this place? People judge you with one word on a picture of yourself. Let's be honest, even the most confident person doesn't want to hear they look like a dog's tush...and yes, some people are mean and bored enough to rate people like that. At first, I was like, heck why would someone want to hear those things about themselves...then after this movie...I thought...what does it matter? I am who I am, the way that God created me. Goob thinks I am the prettest thing, (next to herself of course) that there is...what could be better than that?
Oh, and mom, since I know you will read this. I've always thought you were beautiful, always. I always wanted to be just like you, have your hair, and your smile. I wanted to pop my gum just like you can, and write with beautiful cursive like you do.
Ah, man...some people think girls are so much harder to raise than boys...somehow I doubt it. I am lovin' me some girls.
Sorry this was such a random post!

The First Barbie

2008-06-06T14:13:00.000-07:00

I've been against having a Barbie in the house, until Goob asked for one last week. Her father and I decided after much discussion that it was okay for her to get one, but she had to earn it. She had to go a whole day of obeying her mother and father. While this might seem a simple task, for the Goob it is no easy thing. This discussion took place a week ago...yesterday she did it!!!!

How is a girl to choose?

She paid for it all by herself, and was so proud!

Me and the Goob...how cute is that kid!?

3 more lives lost...

2008-06-05T14:14:00.000-07:00

Some of you might think they are just fish. Heck, a few years ago, I was right there with you. But now they are lives. God created them, and my child loved them. Even if it was only for a night.
Last night was date night, Big T and I were headed to a resturant and then to get some replacement goldfish for the ones that lost their lives the previous night. Try explaining to a two year old what happened. Big T and I thought she was too young to understand death, so we just told her that they went back to the pet store via the toliet and we would get them after dinner. This was REALLY confusing to her. So finally we broke and just told her that they died and were in heaven with God. She looked at us like she finally understood and said "oh." As in oh that makes perfect sense, why did you make up that story before...I know all about heaven. Go figure out the mind of a child...I think it would take me a lifetime!
So we go get our fish (and have a fabulous date by the way *wink* thanks Big T) and we go home. Goob is excited, and named these ones Dora and Boots, there was also a snail and she let me name that one Slimey. They looked like they were doing pretty good...until this morning.
She wanted to know what her fish were doing, so we went to look at them, and they were "sleeping" at the top of the tank. Dagnabit! She waved goodbye to them in the potty again.
Big T is scared this is making me worry about my abilities to take care of a fish, since I didn't really have pets growing up. I am just sad that so many innocent fish had to die because we didn't know what the heck we were doing!
We found out that you can take a sample of your water to the pet store and they will test it for us to tell us if it's okay for the fish. I think we are going to wait a while though...

Here goes nothin'

2008-06-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to run this years Heart and Sole race, but got talked into it by an avid runner friend of mine. She's a nut. At Christmas time, her and her running group go for a run to look at Christmas lights. I want to be her! ROFL But seriously I think my nose might fall off if I did that.
Then I happened across a running mom's blog yesterday and she just finished her first 10k...talk about inspiration. So I signed up for the 5k today. Big T is going to do it with me, and I am hoping that his parents will hold on to our girls while we run, so neither of us has to push the stroller. What a pain in the booty that thing is!
I've been having some trouble with my feet for the past few weeks, so instead of running, I've been doing the eliptical and I think I am in love with it. I always thought that running was the best thing out there, but man do I work up a sweat with the elipitcal machine...and honestly I've finally lost that last 7lbs since starting it, that I couldn't lose running.
Granted, I have been watching what I eat like a hawk, and am slowly starting the wheening process of Sissy. That girl does NOT like me right now. I am down to just morning and evening feedings, and when I do go to nurse her at bedtime it's like she's just become overwhelmed with this fantastic feeling. It's halarious, her eyes roll back into her head, and she makes SO much noise.
In other news...
Big Big T and Grandma showed up with some pets for Goob yesterday. 2 goldfish and a sucker fish thing. She was so excited. I could hardly contain myself with the new chore of remembering to feed these things, clean the tank and "yuk at my ish" all day long. Weee...but for some reason none of them made it till morning. Big T said to buy some cheap ones and see if we can't figure out what the problem is before we add more expensive ones. She did name them though...Dorthey, Kiki and Essey. Halarious...that kid cracks me right up.
Alright, still basking in my juices from the gym this morning. I am nearing the end of my first phase from The New Rules of Lifting for Women...it's kinda scarey to start another phase...but I am more comfortable with the free-weights now. Thank goodness!
Praise God for a great day!

Another Lesson, brought to me by God.

2008-05-31T13:15:00.000-07:00

So I posted this on MamaTalk just yesterday...
As Hannah would say "Uh-oh!"

I was going to post a "Meet Lambie-Baby" post about Hannah's lovie. She calls it her "babaie" and Sarah refers to it as Lambie...so I was going online to find more Lambie-Baby's in case something were to happen to this very dear friend of Hannah's, but I can't find them!!!
He is Mary Meyer brand, Sweet Rascals, but NOT the plush one, he's furry...I googled it, and checked ebay...
Come on Laura, you are a pro at this, what's my next step?

The ladies were so helpful, and one even searched from Lambie for me, without knowing what he looked like! All of them wanted a picture...but after this realization, the search was called off.

You guys are going to love this, especially Nan if she reads this post.
Right after I posted about this, I went and finished up the book Sheparding a Child's Heart. In there it talks about how everyone has a "god" and for some it's the God of Heaven and Earth and for others it material gods or whatever...even children have one, and it's our job to make sure that it's the right God.
So I thought about how strange it is that we always lose Lambie...ALWAYS...and then there is this massive hunt to find him, and how we couldn't find a replacement on the internet...I mean come on, he can't be the only one out there right.
I think this was a test of my faith in God.
My child's comfort should rest in our Lord, and I should have the faith that God is going to comfort my child without a Lambie. How freeing this relization was....because today at nap we couldn't find Lambie again...so I just picked up another stuffed animal (happened to be the Moose that Christine sent Hannah, which feels an aweful lot like Lambie) and Hannah was just as happy with that.
Go figure, this was a lesson from God.

Gotta love those smacks to the head. Thanks God!